Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Q: What do you call a stolen yam?
A: A hot potato.
Q: What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden?
A: "Medi Tators."
Q: What do you call a potato that is reluctant to jump into boiling water?
A: "Hez a tater."
Q: What do you call a potato that is never motivated, but are content to watch others?
A: "Speck Tators"!
Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dicktator
Q: How do you describe an angry potato?
A: Boiling Mad.
Q: What do you get when you cross a potato with an elephant?
A: Mashed potatoes!
Q: What do you call a baby potato?
A: A small fry!
Q: What do you say to an angry baked potato?
A: Anything, just butter him up.
Q: What does a British potato say about a sunny day?
A: It's mashing!
Q: What do you call a potatoes least favorite dance?
A: Mash potato.
Q: Why did the potato cross the road?
A: He saw a fork up ahead.
One day two potatos, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured potato, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any potatoes? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the potatoes are.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the potatoes, I need some potatoes right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your potatoes from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in potatoes. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in potatoes?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a potato in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."