Potato Jokes


Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.

Q: What do you call a stolen yam?
A: A hot potato.

Q: What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden?
A: "Medi Tators."

Q: What do you call a potato that is reluctant to jump into boiling water?
A: "Hez a tater."

Q: What do you call a potato that is never motivated, but are content to watch others?
A: "Speck Tators"!

Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

Q: What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
A: Anybody can mash potatoes.

Q: What do you call a potato after it's been sliced?
A: Chip.

Q: What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side?
A: Vader Tots.

Q: How do you describe an angry potato?
A: Boiling Mad.

Q: What do you get when you cross a potato with an elephant?
A: Mashed potatoes!

Q: What kind of girlfriend does a potato wants?
A: A sweet potato.

Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A: A pouch potato.

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dicktator

Q: Why did the potato cross the road?
A: To get away from the peelers.

Q: What do you call a baby potato?
A: A small fry!

Q: What do you say to an angry baked potato?
A: Anything, just butter him up.

Q: What do you need to activate a gardening robot?
A: A potato chip.

Q: Why did the pie cross the road?
A: She was meat an potato.

Q: What does a British potato say about a sunny day?
A: It's mashing!

Q: What do you call a potato with right angles?
A: A square root.

Q: What do you call a potatoes least favorite dance?
A: Mash potato.

Q: Why did the potato cross the road?
A: He saw a fork up ahead.

Q: What kind of potato is always looking for a fight?
A: An agi-tater.

Q: Why did the potato sit down?
A: Because he was a "couch potato".

Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed?
A: A baked potato.

Q: What happened to the potato dancing at the Halloween party?
A: The "Monster Mash".

Q: What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A: A Chipmunk.

Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: The potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

Two potatos
One day two potatos, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured potato, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

No Potatoes
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any potatoes? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the potatoes are.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the potatoes, I need some potatoes right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your potatoes from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuc, as in potatoes. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in potatoes?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a potato in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

Potatoes
A potato and a sweet potato were playing on the playground. The sweet potato told the potato,"Hey, I just found out I'm related to you."
The potato said," No you're are not!"
The sweet potato said back,"Yes, I yam."

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