Q: What do you call a pig thief?
A: A hamburglar.
Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig?
Q: What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig?
A: A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.
Q: Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
A: For playing dirty.
Yesterday a pig invited me to see his new home. Actually it was quite stylish.
Q: How do you take a sick pig to the hospital?
A: In an hambulance!
Q: What do you call a pig that drives recklessly?
A: A road hog.
Q: What do you call a pig with laryngitis?
Q: What did the pig say when he was sick?
A: "Call the hambulance!"
Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A: a porky-pine
Q: What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?
A: Jurassic pork!
Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A: A porkasaurus rex!
Q: Which magazine does the Big Bad Wolf like to read?
A: "Porks Illustrated!"
Q: What do you call a pig with a rash?
A: Ham and Eczema
Q: Why did it take the pig hours to cross the road?
A: Because he was a slow-pork!
Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: The price of pork would go skyrocket.
Q: Why should you never tell a pig a secret?
A: Because they love to squeal!
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
Q: How do you make a pig squeal?
A: Kick your step mum in the FACE!
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because men are pigs
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
Kermit the frogs finger!
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
A pig fell in the mud.
Do you want to hear a clean joke?
A pig took a bath.
Spell pig backwards g i p get it g i pee
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet pig walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my pig."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the pig falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a pig."
In the winter a man says to his wife:
"Should we get the pig inside, it is freezing out there."
"But it stinks", says the wife to which the husband replies:
"He will get used to it!"