Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Q: How do you fix a broken pizza?
A: With tomato paste.
Q: What does an aardvark like on its pizza?
Q: How do you get the Arizona State grad off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza
Q: What's the difference between an Mel Gibson movie and a pizza?
A: Pizzas are good.
Q: What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A: a piZZZZZZa.
Q: Why did the man go into the pizza business?
A: He wanted to make some dough.
Q: "Waiter, will my pizza be long?"
A: "No sir, it will be round!"
Q: What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A: They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Q: What is a dog's favorite pizza?
Q: What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
A: You wanna pizza me?
Q: When can a pizza marry a hot dog?
A: After they have a very frank relationship!
Q: What do pizza lovers order?
A: Truly Madly Deep Dish Pizza.
Q: Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
A: The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Q: Why is a pizza better than Justin Bieber?
A: Everything's better than that piece of shit.
Q: Why did Pizza Hut stop delivering pizza to the ghetto?
A: Cuz they were told that Dominoes was always getting played!
Q: What's the difference between a redneck and a large pepperoni pizza?
A: A large pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four!
Q: What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
A: Cheeses Crust.
Q: What do you call a song about people who love Chicago style pizza?
A: Truly, Madly, Deep Dish Pizza.
Q: What is the difference between a gay pizza delivery driver and a freezer?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!
Q: What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
A: My pizza jokes can't be topped!
Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
There are two types of people in this world: People who love pizza and liars.
Warning! Pizza will make your clothes shrink.
Pizza in Japan
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man,
''What the heck did you put on this pizza?''
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."
George W. Bush
George W. Bush ordered pizza delivery for the White House.
The Pizza guy, wanting to do an especially good job with the president's pizza, asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
George responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Pizza Hut scheduled a Super Bowl commercial featuring Pete Rose.
According to news reports, "A young boy is supposed to ask Pete about his accomplishments in baseball."
At the end, Rose asks if the boy likes Pizza Hut pizza, and the boy replies, ‘You bet!'
Pete Rose then punches the boy in the face!
A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?"
The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?"
"No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks "How much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $ 200.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Anyone know what that slacker did here?"
With an uncontrollable grin, one of the other workers mutters "Pizza delivery guy".
God Is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of pizza slices.
The nun posted a sign on the pizza tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the pizza."
Pizza Pick Up Lines
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Come on baby, sex is like pizza: Even if it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Hey babe, how about a pizza and some sex? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, you don't like pizza?
Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you a fine pizza a$$.