Q: What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A: A dilldoe
Q: What happens when you get some vinegar in your ear?
A: You suffer from pickled hearing!
Q: What do you call a pickle you buy at a great price?
A: A sweet Dill!
Q: What do you call a pickle doctor?
A: A dill pusher.
Q: What is the pickle's philosophy of life?
A: Never a dill moment.
Q: What do you call the pickle that got run over on the highway?
A: Road dill.
Q: What does an agreeable pickle always say?
A: I relish the idea.
Q: What does the non-believing pickle say?
A: You're gherkin my chain.
Q: Who is the pickles' favorite artist?
A: Salvador Dilly.
Q: What is the pickles' favorite classic movie?
A: "To Dill a Mockingbird".
Q: What's the pickles favorite game show?
A: Let's Make a Dill.
Q: Where is the Liberty Dill located?
A: In PhilaDILLphia.
Q: What are pickle's horrible domestic partners?
A: Because they're always Green with Envy.
Q: What do you say to a pickle that is freaking out?
A: Just dill.
Q: What do you call a female pickle that horses around?
A: A filly dilly.
Q: What is green and has two wheels?
A: A motorpickle.
Q: What is the baby cuke's favorite TV network?
Q: What is baby cucumber's favorite toy?
A: Pickle Me Elmo.
Q: What do you call money made in the Pickle Industry?
A: Dill Dough.
Q: What happens when you use pickles for a ping pong game?
A: You get a volley of the Dills.
Q: Where did the pickle go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!
Q: Why are pickles in sandwiches so polite?
A: They're well bread!
Q: What happens when a PICKLE is bored?
A: He becomes very DILL!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Alligator with a pickle?
A: A crocoDILL!
Q: Why do gherkins giggle a lot?
A: They're PICKLish!
Q: Who does a boy cucumber dig the most?
A: The PICKLE DISH!
Q: What is green and swims in the sea?
A: Moby Pickle!
Q: When can you put pickles in the door?
A: When it's AJAR!
Q: Why did the cucumber need a lawyer?
A: Because it was in a pickle!
Q: What is green and dangerous?
A: A thundering herd of pickles!
Q: What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A: A trop-pickle fish!
Q: What do you call a frozen pickle hanging from the roof?
A: An Icepickle!
Q: What is green and pecks on trees?
A: Woody Wood Pickle!
Q: What's red and green and guides Santa's sleigh?
A: Rudolph the red-nosed pickle!
Q: Why doesn't a pickle like to travel?
A: Because it's a JARRING experience!
Q: What business does a smart pickle go into?
A: He opens a DILLY-catessen!
Carrot, Pickle, & Penis
A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The carrot said my life sucks, when i get big and fat they cut me up and cook me.
The pickle said when I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.
The penis said, when I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 pickles and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 pickles."