Pecan Jokes
What water yields award winning pecans?
Perspiration!
Where did the pecan go to have a few drinks?
The Salad Bar!
Why do pecans and cashews get along?
Because they're both kinda nuts.
What is the difference between pecans and snot?
Children will eat their snot!
What do you call a pecan in a spacesuit?
An astronut!
What did the apple say to the pecan?
You're Nuts!
Why are pecans and cashews always getting into trouble?
Because they're both kinda nuts.
Teacher: How far can you recite pi?
What did the pie say to the knife?
Pecan somebody your own size.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pecan!
Pecan who?
Pecan somebody your own size!
Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a zucchini in the other ear, and a pecan stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 pecans and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 pecans."
Ransom
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree.
"I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"