Olive Jokes
What do you call a bartender that only makes martinis?
Oliver Twist (Olive or Twist).
What do you call the worlds best diplomat?
Olive Branch.
Where do you find a pimento with bad taste?
The Olive Garden.
What is the name of the ninth reindeer?
Olive the other reindeer.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive!
Olive who?
Olive (I love) you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive!
Olive who?
Olive (I'll have) none of your lip!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive!
Olive who?
Olive (I live) across the road!
Two olives
One day two olives, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured olive called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured olive was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured olive, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a asparagus stalk in the other ear, and an olive stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."