When is a muffin like a golf ball?
When it's been sliced.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his muffin?
Cause he was stuffed.
What do you call a muffin that likes heavy metal?
Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why did the giant use clouds to make muffins?
To make them light and fluffy.
What kind of muffins can fly?
Why do bakers give women on special occasions?
Why are muffin jokes always funny?
Because they never get mold!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
They both depend on the batter.
What do ghosts eat when they are hungry?
Two muffins are in an oven and one says,"Wow, it's hot in here!"
and the other muffin says,"Oh my gosh, a talking muffin!"
National Oatmeal Muffin day is observed annually on December 19th.
Muffin the matter with me, how about you?
John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It"s been flickering for weeks now".
He looks at her and says angrily,
"Fix the lights now?
Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead?
I don"t think so".
Fine, then the wife asks,
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door?
It won"t close right "
to which he replied,
"Fix the fridge door?
Does it look like I have Kenmore written on my forehead?
I don"t think so".
"Fine", she says "then you could at least fix the steps to the front door?
They are about to break "
"i"m not a carpenter and i don"t want to fix steps".
He says, "does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead?
I don"t think so
I"ve had enough of you.
I"m going to the bar!
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home
As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey", he asks, "How did all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried."
Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.
He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either
go to bed with him or bake him some muffins".
"So what kind of muffins did you bake?"
Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
I don"t think so!"