Lemon Jokes


Lemon Short Jokes

What do you get when you cross a cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.

Why did the lemon stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.

Why did the lemon go out with a prune?
Because she couldn't find a date.

What do you call a dancing pie?
Lemon Merengue.

Why do lemons wear suntan lotion?
Because they peel.

What did lemon say to lime?
Nothing stupid, lemons don't talk.

Why did the lemon fail his driving test?
It kept peeling out.

Who goes out on a date with sour grapes?
Liz Lemon.

Why was the lemon feeling depressed?
She lost her zest for life.

What kind of lemon performs for charity?
Lemon Aid.

Why did the lemon go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.

What is yellow and solves your problems?
What?
Lemonade because its yellow and aid solves your problems!

When life hands you lemons, find someone with tequila and salt.

If you believe that life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples eyes.

Take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

I thought I was drowning in Sprite, but it was only a Fanta sea.

I have a job crushing Sierra Mist cans. It's soda pressing.

No Lemons
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any Lemons? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of Lemons, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the Lemons are.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of Lemons, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the Lemons, I need some Lemons right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your Lemons from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in Lemons. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in Lemons?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"


Confessions
A girl goes to Westminster Abbey church a week before her wedding to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
"Tell all of your sins, my daughter."
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?" the girl replies.
"No," the priest says, "But it'll wipe that smile off your face!"

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