Junk Food Jokes
How did Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can't be topped!
How do you know your close to a Frito Lay factory?
Because of the chips and dip in the road.
What are the 4 major food groups?
Pizza, Coffee, Chocolate and Sex.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
Pi a'la mode.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the Rocky Road.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog?
After they have a very frank relationship!
What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A bag of potato chips in each hand!
How do you learn how to make ice cream?
In Sunday (Sundae) School.
What does it do before it rains candy?
It sprinkles!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor?
When it feels crummy.
What does a gambling addict eat?
Poker chips and salsa.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie?
Chocolate chimp!
What does an excited fat kid do in the junk food isle?
The Moon-Pies Walk.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
a piZZZZZZa.
Why did the boy put a candy bar under his pillow?
So he would have sweet dreams!
If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have?
Diabetes..... Jake has diabetes...
What is the Wikipedia definition for a donut?
A poor man's substitute for women.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Because he was stuffed.
What's Tiger Woods favorite brand of potato chips?
Lays.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because it lost its filling.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love pizza and liars.
Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What's the best part of Valentines Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Queso!
Queso who?
Queso mistaken identity.
Sesame Street
Bert and Ernie are sitting outside one day on Sesame Street.
Bert turns to Ernie and asks, "Hey Ernie, wanna go get some ice cream?"
Ernie replies, "Sure Bert."
Pete Rose
Pizza Hut scheduled a Super Bowl commercial featuring Pete Rose.
According to news reports, "A young boy is supposed to ask Pete about his accomplishments in baseball."
At the end, Rose asks if the boy likes Pizza Hut pizza, and the boy replies, "You bet!"
Pete Rose then punches the boy in the face!
Ice Cream Shop
A old man walks into a ice cream shop, and sits down with difficulty....
He orders a ice cream cone and the waiter asks "Crushed nuts?"
The old man replies, "No arthritis"
God Is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of pizza slices.
The nun posted a sign on the pizza tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the pizza."
Speeding
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really annoyed and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Tiefing
A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a chocolate bar and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three chocolate bars.
"nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief".
They went in and the jamaican said to the cashier " yuh want to see a magic trick?" the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. "hand me another one" he ate that too, " hand me one more" and he ate it.
"Mon, where's the magic?" said the cashier. The jamaican mon said "check the guyanese pockets and yuh find all three a dem"
Junk Food Pick Up Lines
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious .
I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day.
Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I want to stuff your crust.
Baby, you got more legs than a bucket of KFC!
Baby if you were a burger at McDonalds you would be a McGorgeous.
"I'll be the Burger King, and you'll be the Dairy Queen... You treat me right, and I'll do it your way."
Can I double stuff your Oreo?
"Do you like Bacon? Wanna strip?"
Girl your like a candy bar half nuts n half sweet!
Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.
Are you the Hostess? Cause I want you to suck my Twinkie.
Do you like hamburgers? cuz i'll go in-n-out of you!
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.