Green Beans Jokes


Q: What water yields the most beautiful Green Beans?
A: Perspiration!

What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?
String beans.

Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant green beans?
A: Garden hose!

Q: Where did the green bean go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!

Q: What kind of beans can not grow in a garden?
A: a jelly bean

Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

Two green beans
One day two green beans, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured green bean called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured green bean was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured green bean, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

No green beans
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any green beans? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of green beans, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the green beans are.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of green beans, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the green beans, I need some green beans right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your green beans from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in green beans. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in green beans?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a green bean in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 green beans and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 green beans."

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