Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe! Breathe!
Q: Why aren't grapes ever lonely?
A: Because they come in bunches!
Q: What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
A: He let out a little wine.
Q: "What's purple and huge and swims in the ocean?"
A: "Moby Grape."
Q: If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with?
Q: What did one grape say to another?
A: You've got appeal in bunches!
Q: What's the new definition of divine?
A: It's what da grapes grow on
Q: Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
A: Because he ran out of juice
Q: Why'd Mrs Grape leave her family?
A: She was tired of raisin kids!
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A crying woman runs into the police station with all her clothes ripped and her hair everywhere, and says "Officer, I`ve just been graped"
The policeman says "Dont you mean raped, miss?"
The woman says, "No I mean graped, there was a bunch of them"
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a grape stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."