Garlic Jokes

Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!

Q: What do cloves use for money?
A: Garlic "Bread."

Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant garlic?
A: Garden hose!

Q: Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!
Two garlic cloves
One day two garlic cloves, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured garlic clove called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured garlic clove was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured garlic clove, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

Garlic, Pickle, & Penis
A garlic clove, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The garlic clove said my life sucks, when i get big and fat they cut me up and cook me.
The pickle said when I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.
The penis said, when I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a garlic clove in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 garlic cloves and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 garlic cloves."

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