Cheese Jokes

Q: What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
A: All that was left was de brie.

Q: What do you call cheese that is sad?
A: Blue cheese.

Q: How do you get a mouse to smile?
A: Say cheese!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese!

Q: Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses?
A: R'n'Brie

Q: When should you go on a cheese diet?
A: If you need to cheddar a few pounds

Q: What is a cannibal's favourite cheese?
A: Limburger

Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Q: What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater?
A: "That's the most violent book I've ever read."

Q: Which is the most religious cheese?
A: Swiss, because it is holy.

Q: Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics?
A: It fell at the final curdle

Q: Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet?
A: She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!

Q: Which search engine is popular amongst mice?
A: Ask Cheese.

Q: When should you keep an eye on your cheese?
A: When it's up to no Gouda.

Q: What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?
A: Swiss!!!

Q: What do you feed the son of god?
A: Cheeses of Nazareth.

Q: Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party?
A: In queso emergency.

Q: What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection?
A: Quarter-pounder with cheese

Q: What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
A: Blue cheese!

Q: What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese?
A: Philadelphia.

Q: Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers?
A: Someone always cuts the cheese.

Q: When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying?
A: When it's too Gouda to be true.

Q: Whom did the cheesy Bible start with?
A: Edam and Eve.

Q: What hotel do mice stay in ?
A: The Stilton

Q: What do cheese makers dance to on halloween?
A: The muenster mash!

Q: What did mutter say to paneer?
A: Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.

Q: What did the Cheese salesman say?
A: That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!

Q: What group of cheese has been known to fly?
A: Curds of prey!

Q: What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese?
A: Curd-istan

Q: What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card?
A: Go on a shopping brie.

Q: What cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
A: Moatzeralla

Q: What cheese should you use to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone.

Q: What do you call cheese that is acting crazy?
A: A basket queso.

Q: What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution?
A: Caerphilly

Q: What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic?
A: Livarot

Q: What is a lions favourite cheese?
A: Roar-quefort

Q: What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost?
A: I'm Lac-ghost intolerant

Q: Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus?
A: Because he couldn't get his stilton.

Q: What cheese do beavers like?
A: eDam

Q: Which is the Richest Cheese in the world?
A: Paris Stilton.

Q: What do you call an oriental cheese?
A: Parm-asian

Q: How good is a Coney Island gyro?
A: Feta than sex.

Q: What's the most popular American cheese sitcom?
A: Curd Your Enthusiasm

Q: Why does cheese look normal?
A: Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.

Q: What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades?
A: I've felt grater.

Q: Why did the wheel act so bossy?
A: Cause he was the "Big Cheese."

Q: What is a lions favourite cheese?
A: Roar-quefort.

Q: What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar?
A: Lookin' Sharp.

Q: Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain?
A: Camembert (Come On Bear)

Q: When do they smother a burrito in cheese?
A: In best queso scenario.

Q: What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?
A: Swish cheese!

Q: What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ?
A: Halloumi (Hello me)

Q: Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday?
A: Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)

Q: What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face?
A: Too close for comfort food.

Cheesey One Liners

That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta.

I'm doing grate, but I could be cheddar.

I'm not saying my family is inbred, but my cousins names are Bologna and Cheese.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I used to work as a cheesemonger, but I camembert it any longer

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

If I like you, I'll make you a cheese sandwich. If I love you, I'll grill it.

I'm glad the cheese stands alone because it makes it easier to find.

What does the "e" stand for in chuck e cheese

Listening to Nicki Minaj reminds me of the time I dropped acid and spent 4 hours leaning against a Street Fighter II game at Chuck E Cheese.

Mexican, Englishman, American
A Mexican, Englishman, and an Americarn are in a bar having drinks.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says,

Woman: Whoever can use the words ‘liver' and ‘cheese' in a creative sentence can date me for tonight.

Englishman: I love liver and cheese!

Woman: That's not good enough!

American: I hate liver and cheese!

Woman: That's not creative!

Mexican: Liver alone, cheese mine!

Birthday Party
A little boy went to a birthday party in a very nice suit.
When he returned home, his suit was full of holes, and his mother was mortified.
When she asked him what they had done there, he replied that after pin the tail on the donkey they were playing store and he was the Swiss cheese.

Blind Man
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with Cheese."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Amelia, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Amelia complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Amelia worked here..."

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Cheese Who?
Cheese a jolly good fellow

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Cheese Who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Queso who?
Queso mistaken identity.

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