Carrot Jokes
Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?
A: He got to the root of every case.
Q: How can you make a soup rich?
A: Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round it would want to pea!
Q: How do you kill a salad?
A: You go for the carrot-id artery.
To all the people who eat baby carrots, I feel you don't carrot all.
Q: What did the carrot say to the vibrator?
A: "Why are you shaking? It's me she's going to eat!"
Q: When does a carrot wear a mask?
A: To the mascarrot ball. (Masquerade)
Q: Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What's a Vegetable's favourite martial art?
A: Carrotee!
Q: How do you lead a horse to water?
A: With carrots
Q: What vegetable are all others afraid of?
A: a scarrot.
Q: Why did the carrot get an award?
A: Because he was out standing in his field
Q: Which vegetable betrayed Jesus?
A: Judas Is-carrot
Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Does it smell like carrots?
Q: How do you make gold soup?
A: Put 24 carrots in it.
Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
A: Do you want to grab a bite?
Q: Whats orange and smells of carrots?
A: Rabbit puke!
Q: What kind of vegetable watches over the elderly?
A: The Carrot-aker.
Q: What do you call a vegetable with a sense of humor?
A: Carrot Top.
Q: Why did the Ukrainian turn his carrot around?
A: He wanted to start the orange revolution!
Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing you.
Q: What's a vegetable's favourite casino game?
A: Baccarrot!
Q: What does the Carrot priest say at church?
A: "Lettuce Pray"
Q: What is invisible and smells like Carrots?
A: Bunny Farts!
Q: What's orange and never shuts up?
A: A carrot reading the bible!
Who's there?
Carrot
Carrot who?
Do you carrot all about me!
I tried to put peas and carrots into a soup to get my children to eat their veggies.
They took one sip and said "Do you think were stew peed!"
Two Carrots
One day two carrots, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured carrot called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured carrot was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured carrot, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
Carrot, Pickle, & Penis
A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The carrot said my life sucks, when i get big and fat they cut me up and cook me.
The pickle said when I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.
The penis said, when I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!
No Carrots
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any carrots? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of carrots, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the carrots are.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of carrots, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the carrots, I need some carrots right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your carrots from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuc, as in carrots. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in carrots?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"
Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."