Cabbage Jokes


What water yields award winning cabbage heads?
Perspiration!

What is another name for brussels sprouts?
Cabbage patch kids.

What does a cabbage outlaw have?
A price on his head.

What kind of socks do you need to plant cabbage?
Garden hose!

What's the difference between cabbage and snot?
Kids dont eat cabbage!

What do you call a cabbage that's in love?
Head over heels.

What do you tell a cabbage that's down in the dumps?
Hold your head up high.

How does a farmer mend his pants?
With Cabbage patches.

What does cabbage say at the salad bar?
Lettuce pray.

What do you call a cabbage with a body?
Head and shoulders above the rest.

Why did the grocery store sell green and purple cabbage?
Cause two heads are better than one.

What do you call a man who gives a cabbage a job?
a Head hunter.

What do you call a vegetable with PMS?
A cabBITCH

This cabbage is so fresh it has an aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.

Two cabbage heads
One day two cabbage heads, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured cabbage head called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured cabbage head was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured cabbage head, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

No Cabbage
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any cabbage? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of cabbage, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the cabbage is.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of cabbage, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the cabbage, I need some cabbage right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your cabbage from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in cabbage. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in cabbage?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cabbage head in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

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