Brussels Sprouts Jokes
Q: What vegetable eliminates the need to brush your teeth?
A: Bristle sprouts!
Q: What water yields award winning brussel sprouts?
A: Perspiration!
Q: What do you call a Brussels sprout that smell worse than a skunk?
A: Pepe le Sprout.
I call my brussels sprouts.....cabbage patch kids.
Q: What do you call kids who eat their vegetables?
A: Brussels sellouts.
Q: Did you hear about the weightlifting vegetable?
A: He was a muscle sprout.
Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.
Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A: A Brussels' scout!
Q: What is the worlds worst selling beer?
A: Brussels stout.
Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant brussels sprouts?
A: Garden hose!
Q: What do you call vegetables found underwater?
A: Snorkel sprouts.
Q: What do you get when you cross brussels sprouts with a popular snack?
A: Pretzel Sprouts.
Q: What vegetable can you eat for dessert?
A: Streusel sprouts.
Q: What do you get when you cross Brussels sprouts and a jackhammer?
A: Chisel sprouts.
Q: What do you call vegetables that don't get along?
A: Quarrel Sprouts.
Q: What do you call the screams of little kids when you tell them to eat their veggies?
A: Brussels shouts.
Q: What is the difference between brussels sprouts and snot?
A: Children will eat their snot!
Q: What do you call vegetables singing in church?
A: Gospel sprouts.
Two brussels sprouts
One day two brussels sprouts, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured brussels sprout called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured brussels sprout was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured brussels sprout, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
No Brussels Sprouts
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any brussels sprouts? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of brussels sprouts, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the brussels sprouts are.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of brussels sprouts, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the brussels sprouts, I need some brussels sprouts right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your brussels sprouts from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuc, as in brussels sprouts. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in brussels sprouts?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"
Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a brussels sprout in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."