Banana Jokes

Short Banana Jokes

Q: Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
A: Because they peel!

Q: What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A: (sing to the tune of 5th symphony):!!

Q: What do you call two banana skins?
A: A pair of slippers

Q: When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing?
A: What else but Peelings?

Q: Why did the banana go to see the doctor?
A: The banana was not peeling very well.

I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date.

Q: What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
A: Cut it in half.

Broccoli: I look like a tree.
Walnut: I look like a brain.
Mushroom: I look like an umbrella.
Banana: Dude! Change the topic.

Q: If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ?
A: Slippers !

Q: What do you call solid gold bananas?
A: A bunch of money.

Q: How do you spell banana?
A: E, V, I, L.

Q: Do banana's drink coke or pepsi?
A: Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.

Q: How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack?
A: By freezing them

Q: Why did the banana go to the hairdressers?
A: Because it had split ends!

Q: What is the hippest kind of fruit?
A: A bae-nae-nae.

Q: What did the banana do when he saw a monkey?
A: The banana split!

Q: Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic?
A: Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.

Q: What do you call a fruit that doesn't take shit from anyone?
A: The top banana.

Q: Why did the banana fail his driving test?
A: He kept peeling out.

Q: What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys?
A: A bunch of idiots.

Q: What do bananas, Hitler, and Napoleon have in common?
A: Everything.

Q: Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?
A: He kept throwing the bent bananas away.

Q: How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana?
A: She left him out in the sun too long.

Q: Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas?
A: They were empty.

Q: Why don't bananas snore?
A: Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

Q: Why are you eating a banana with the skin on?
A: Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.

Q: What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
A: A banana dressed up as a cucumber !

Q: What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?
A: Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.

Q: What would you call two banana skins?
A: A pair of slippers!

Q: What do you do if you see a blue banana?
A: Try to cheer it up.

Q: What's yellow and writes?
A: A ball-point banana.

Q: What's worst than a monkey eating bananas?
A: A monkey going bananas.

Q: What's yellow and always points to the north?
A: A magnetic banana.

Q: What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz?
A: An electric banana.

Q: How do monkeys get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!

Q: What did the banana say to the monkey?
A: Nothing, bananas can't talk!

Q: What kind of a key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!

Q: Why did the monkey like the banana?
A: Because it had appeal!

Q: What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves?
A: A bunch of pansies.

Q: How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?
A: Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.

Q: Why are bananas never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.

Q: Why did the kid keep falling off his bike?
A: It had a banana seat.

Q: How do you catch King Kong?
A: Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

Q: Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene?
A: Because they have Appeal!

What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel?
Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!

Why did the banana go to the hostpital?
Because it wasnt peeling very well

Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.
Andy: Did she lose weight?
Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!

One day a apple saw a banana without its peel.
The apple asked banana, where is your peel?
He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.

Banana: Doctor, Doctor.
Banana: I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Pull your self together.

Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

Banana Bar Jokes
So this banana walks into a bar.
Bartender looks him over, thinks about it, says, "You know, I like you. You got a lot of a peel."

Couples Therapy

A doctor had a good reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn't help.
The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I can help you."
"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some bananas and doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the bananas across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the banana using only your tongue.
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some squash and a box of cheerios... "

God Is Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of bananas.
The nun posted a sign on the banana tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the bananas."

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