Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant asparagus?
A: Garden hose!
Q: Where did the asparagus go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!
Q: What water yields the most beautiful asparagus plants?
Q: What is the difference between boogies and asparagus?
A: Children enjoy eating boogies but not asparagus!
Q: What do you call asparagus stalks covered in solid gold?
A: A bunch of money.
Q: Why are asparagus stalks leaves never lonely?
A: Because they come in bunches.
Someone who eats asparagus stalks must like them a whole bunch.
This asparagus is so fresh it has an aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.
Two asparagus stalks
One day two asparagus stalks, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured asparagus stalk called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured asparagus stalk was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured asparagus stalk, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any asparagus? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of asparagus, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the asparagus is.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of asparagus, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the asparagus, I need some asparagus right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your asparagus from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in asparagus. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in asparagus?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a asparagus stalk in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."