Apple Jokes

Apple Short Jokes

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple !

Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ?
She fell for the Big Apple !

What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A Macintosh

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?
Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down hill.

What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A pineapple.

What did the apple say to the apple pie?
"You've got some crust."

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Taking a bite and finding half a worm.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?
Keeps everyone away.

Where do bugs go to watch the big game?

What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby?
An Appletini.

I made an account just to tell this joke.
Aren't you going to give me an apple-ause?

What do you call an apple that's been around the world?
Johnny Appleseed.

What did the apple say to the almond?
You're Nuts!

Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States?
Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.

What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one, then!

Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go in pairs !

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
Take a snorkel.

What lives in apples and is an avid reader?
A bookworm !

Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.

What did the worm want to do when he grew up?
He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges?
A bad apple.

What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show?
How about them apples?

Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why?
The orchard's on fire.

What kind of apple has a short temper?
A crab apple.

What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

What do you call a fruity pop star?
Katy Peary.

What is the left side of an apple?
The part that you don't eat.

How do you make an apple puff?
Chase it round the garden

What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ?
Puff pastry !

What do u get from a perverted apple?
Hard Cider.

How many grams of protein are in an apple pi?

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
An outboard apple.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do?
It can look round.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding one in your caramel apple, which costs about 35 cents more, on average.

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you?
Second apple: Worms, I think.

The first commandment was...
when Eve told Adam to eat the apple!

Apple Bar Jokes

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy indignantly.
"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.
"Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."

At lunch time in the cafeteria there was a pile of apples on a tray, and the teacher put a note: take only one, remember, god is watching.
A little bit further down the line there was a pile of cookies, and a child had put a note on it: take as many as you want, god is watching the apples.

Five Apples
Once upon a time there were five apples
Which was the cowboy?
None - because they were all redskins.

An Apple A Day Jake came rushing in to see his Dad.
"Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"
"That's what they say," said his Dad.
"Well, give me an apple quick ? I've just broken the doctor's window!"

God Is Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of apples.
The nun posted a sign on the apples tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

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