Walmart Short Jokes
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because they are all Targets!
Q: How can you afford a middle class lifestyle on $10/hour (average pay at Walmart)?
A: By shopping at Walmart!
Q: Why did Westley Strellis smash 29 Flat Screen TVs with an Easton baseball bat at a local Walmart in Atlanta, Georgia?
A: They were playing an episode of MTVs "Jersey Shore"
Q: Why did Walmart abandon it's plans to open a bank?
A: CEO Lee Scott found out it's against the law to lock illegals and cleaning staff in bank vaults after hours without paying overtime.
Q: What does Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: Boy's underwear half off!
Q: What do you call a dog that steals from Big Box stores?
A: "The Wolf of Walmart"
Q: How dumb is your momma?
A: So dumb, she got lost in a Wal-Mart and went around asking the smilie faces which way was out!
Funny pranks to do at Walmart (Do at your own risk)
Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
While an associate is trying to tell a customer about a high priced item. Look interested in the same item.. and say you can get it cheaper online!
Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares......and see what happens.
Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
If the sporting goods section carries guns, tell the clerk you want to check one out. Then look it over by taking a peek through the sight, open the chamber etc. Then, under your breath - say something like "I wish I had some ammo and then, calmly look at him and ask "Do the voices inside my head bother you?"
Ask an associate for entry into the fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
TP as much of the store as possible.
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
Walmart Bar Jokes
A 61 year old employee, Roger Stephens, allegedly slapped a 2 year old toddler he'd never even seen before because she wouldn't stop crying in a Walmart store in Georgia.
The girl's mother later told the local news, "That man is probably one of the worst greeters they've ever hired!"
Wal-Mart announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China.
Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read, "Made Here."