Twitter Jokes

Twitter Short Jokes

Q: If Facebook is a loft in the city and Myspace is a house in the suburbs, what is Twitter?
A: A trailer park!

Q: What did the angry bride tell the groom on her wedding night?
A: Her twitter will be unavailable!

Q: Why did your girlfriend break up with you because of your Twitter obsession?
A: Because she thought your obsession was Twubble!

Q: What was Tiger Woods first twitter from inside sex addiction rehab?
A: I Twittered my Google and came on MyFace!

Q: How do you know your too fat to Twitter?
A1: Your man tits don't allow you to see and reach the keyboard!
A2: Although your twitters are short and sweet you fat finger the messages!

Q: What did Sarah Palin do after tweeting her twitter following "It is arrogant to believe people can impact nature"?
A: Go hunting for moose in her helicopter!
Q: Why is Joe Biden unable to use Twitter?
A: Tweets are limited to 140 characters!

Q: What happened after three Duke football players were kicked off the team for gun possession?
A: Gilbert Arenas started following them on Twitter!

Q: What happened when Dick Cheney tried to reach a younger demographic?
A: He shot Facebook in the face, while hunting for Twitter.

Come to Myspace and Twitter my Yahoo
Til' I Google all over your Facebook.

What do you call the space between the twat and the shitter?

Q: What is more intriguing than Shaquille O'Neals twitters?
A: Thinking about his big fingers typing into a blackberry!

Q: What is the meaning of the term "twintern"?
A1: A corporate intern whose sole job is to monitor the companies Twitter Account.
A2: An alternating three-way with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen!

Q: When FaceBook, MySpace and Twitter merge into one super social networking company what will it be called?
A: They will call it "My Twit Face."

Q: How ugly was my ex-girlfriend/boyfriend?
A: So ugly that Facebook banned her/his profile pic and now she can only use Twitter!

Q: What happened after hackers shut down Twitter for a day?
A: Twitterers were relegated to communicating the old fashioned way, through Facebook!

Q: What did the twitterer say before committing suicide?
A: My Facebook can remarry!

Q: Why shouldn't you pay for a membership?
A: Because Twitter and Facebook are free!

Q: How did the gringo get the hispanic day laborer pregnant?
A: By sending her phone a twitter

Q: Why did John Connor lead the resistance against the machines?
A: Skynet deleted John's twitter account

You Know you're addicted to Twitter If

People don't invite you out without you tweeting you about it.

Because you instantly tweet about everything you do, you no longer see the point of confessing in church.

You know where the Twitterers Twanonymous 12-step meetings are held and regularly attend!

Before you accept a job you have to find out about their twittering policies!

You use variations of the word Twitter as terminology in your tweets (tweetard, twittiquette, twitterrific, etc)

Before you go out and do something fun, you think about how you can tweet about it!

Your friends and loved ones have organized a Twittervention against you!

When you get into arguements with your spouse you subconciously cut them off after they reach 140 characters!

You faint everytime you now watch American Idol auditions because you can't watch it on TV, tweet about, and read other peoples tweets without having a nervous breakdown!

You send in-office tweets using Twitter shorthand to stay within 140 characters!

One-hundred thirty-eight people tweeted you about this page in the morning.

You have your real name legally changed to your @twitterName.

You've been to your doctor and are now being treated for Twitter Twitch!

You get wedding presents from Twitter friends you have never met in real life.

You prefer Tweet and Twalking instead of real life conversations with actual people!

You've already checked your Twitter account three times before finishing this list!

More people know you by your Twitter picture than by what you actually look like.

You only use Facebook, when the Twitter servers are down!

You are always accidentally trying your Twitter password to log onto things.

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