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Star Trek Jokes


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Short Star Trek Jokes

Q: What does the Enterprise and Toliet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons.

Q: What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?
A: A croaking device.

Q: Why don't the Borg go to prison?
A: Because they obey the Lore!

Q: Why did the Borg cross the road?
A: Because it assimilated the chicken!

Q: What did Spock find in Kirk's toliet?
A: The Captian's Log.

Q: Have you heard the new Klingon army motto?
A: Join the Klingon army. Visit exotic planets, meet interesting people, and kill them!

Q: Where do the Borg eat fast food?
A: At their local Borger King!

Q: Why was Star Trek so successful?
A: It had good Genes.

Q: How many ears does Picard have?
A: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

Q: What is Captain Picards biggest pet peeve?
A: When the crew replaces his dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals.

Q: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?
A: Worf Speed.

Q: Did you hear that the crew of the Enterprise is getting married?
A: They have engaged the Borg.

Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to
self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000

Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: All of them!

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO: One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all of the credit.

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE: Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.

Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.

Q: Have you read the book "The Positronic Brain"?
A: It's by: Anne Droid

Q: Have you read the book "Damn it Jim"?
A: It's by: Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.

Q: Have you read the book "Chekov: The Navigator"?
A: It's by: I. Kiptin

Q: What did one Borg say to one another right before their ship was destroyed in sector zero zero one?
A: Hoisted by our own Picard.

Q: Did you hear about the new uniform making machine on the Enterprise?
A: Piccard told Riker to "Make it sew, Number One."

Q: How do you get a one-armed Klingon out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"
A: "Because I Riker."

Q: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?
A: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again."

Q: Why can't Klingon kids play in sandboxes?
A: Cats keep trying to cover them up.

Q: What did Worf say when small ice asteroids began hitting the Enterprise hull?
A: "Captain, we are being hailed."

Q: Did you hear about the Federation weapons expert?
A: He never forgets a phaser.

Q: What are eyeglasses called on Vulcan?
A: Spocktacles

Cross The Road
Q: Why did the Klingon cross the road?
A: To conquer the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
Ah canna work miracles, Captain.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Dr. McCoy: Dammit Jim!! I'm a doctor not an farmer!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Data: Why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous?

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Counsilor Troi: I knew it was going to happen. I could sense it.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Computer: Insufficient information.


Star Trek Bar Jokes

Sarek and Amanda were dating
Amanda was patiently waiting
For signs of romance
Soft words, a slow dance
What she got was an efficiency rating

A visiting admiral approached Chekov's station on the ENTERPRISE. Thinking he would test the young officer, he asked, "What would you do if the weapons officer suddenly got his head blown off?"
"Nothing, sir."
"Why nothing?"
"Because I'm the weapons officer, sir."

A young man was applying to join Starfleet:
"Where were you born?" asked the recruiting officer.
"Earth, sir."
"What part?"
"All of me, sir."

Overheard in a corridor:
Crewman: "I've got a brother at Starfleet Science Academy."
Crewwoman: "What's he studying?"
Crewman: "Nothin'. They're studying him."


You Might Be A Trekkie If!

your fantasy includes Lt. Uhura sitting on the edge of your bed saying "Hailing frequencies open"...
you've ever been in a fist fight over who is better Captain Picard or Captain Kirk...
you think that Captain Janeway is sexier than Princess Leia...
your screen saver says "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated"...
you find yourself in a jam and say "Scotty, beam me up!"...
you believe that Ross Perot owns a copy of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition...
you believe Ross Perot is a Ferengi...
someone says good morning to you and you answer "Ka Plah!"...
you know the proper Vulcan greeting and response...
your girlfriend tells you "it's either me or Star Trek!" and you wave good-bye...
you think Hillary Clinton would look good in Lt. Uhura's uniform...
you wrote in James T. Kirk for President with running mate Pavel Chekov...
you walk into your kitchen and look for a replicator...
you think Kahless will come back before Jesus Christ...
you can tell the difference between a Vulcan and a Romulan...
you can name all the people who have ever been captain of the Enterprise...
you think Q-Tips is a self-help book written by a certain Star Trek villain...
you have the Klingon version of Hooked on Phonics...
you find a hairball and think it's a Tribble...
you believe there is an alternate universe where you are captain of the Enterprise...
you learned to pick up women by watching Captain Kirk...
you keep flipping open your cell phone hoping to get a communique from Scotty...
you here someone say "he's an enterprising young man," and you look for his communicator...
you get in your car and say engage...
you believe George Lucas is the Anti-Christ...
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