Short Lexus Jokes
Q: How many Lexus car salesmen does it take to change your light bulb?
A: It depends on your credit, current lease terms, and willingness to take a balloon payment!
Q: What is the difference between a Lexus and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Q: What is the Lexus owner's most ardent wish?
A: A bigger penis.
There are two reasons I don't take my girlfriend on longs drives in my Lexus.
One I don't have a girlfriend.
Two I don't have a Lexus.
Want to hear a car joke?
Lexus IS 200.
What should you do if you find three Lexus owners buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.
What's the difference between a Lexus owner and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Lexus owners.
Lexus One Liners
So you're in high school and you drive a Lexus? You must know all about hard work then.
I would give both my testies for a new Lexus.
You wanna man that drives a Lexus, but your dad drives a Toyota. Why you can't be humble like your mom?
I just saw a Lexus driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice. Should I report the vehicle as stolen?
A girl who swallows is like owning a Lexus, You don't need it, but it's nice to have.
Why do people name their kids Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche when they look like buicks & fords
How are there no black people in a KFC commercial and 3 in a Lexus commercial?
Lexus Bar Jokes
A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for Her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
"$50" she replies
The man agrees and gives Her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man`s wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. "She should. She was standing on it"
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect Her money. "You`ve finished already?" the man asked.
"Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats."
Impressed the man reaches for the money. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it`s not a porch. Its a Lexus."
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."
Mid Life Crisis
A man in his 40's bought a new Lexus convertible and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Lexus," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 120.... then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer
A lawyer opened the door of his Lexus, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious Lexus.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Lexussss!!!", he whiningly said.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid Lexus, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?