Honda Jokes

Short Honda Jokes

Q: How many Honda car salesmen does it take to change your light bulb?
A: It depends on your credit, current lease terms, and willingness to take a balloon payment!

Q: What is the difference between a Honda and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Q: What should you do if you find three Honda owners buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What do Honda owners and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What is the smallest part of an Honda?
A: The owners brain.

Q: What is the Honda owner's most ardent wish?
A: A bigger penis.

Q: Why did the cat sleep under the Honda?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily.

Q: What is a fast Honda like coming out of the closet?
A: You surprise everyone at first, but in the end your still gay.

What do Hondas and tampons have in common?
Every pu*sy has one.

Want to hear a car joke?
Honda CRV.

What should you do if you find three Honda owners buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.

What's the difference between a Honda owner and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent own a Honda.

Honda Bar Jokes

Car Shopping

A lady walks into a Honda dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Honda Accord and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

Materialistic Lawyer

A lawyer opened the door of his Honda Accord, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious Honda.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Hondaaaa!!!", he whiningly said.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid Honda, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?

Honda Acronyms

Hang On, No Dealer Acquisitions!
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Honda Options: No Deal Available!
Hold On, No Dealer Add-ons!
Honda Options Never Deal Affordably
Had One, Never Did Again
Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad's Assistance
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything (From James Bragg)

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