Home Depot Jokes
Have you seen the Home Depot commercial with George Michael?
He sings "Rake Me Up Before You Hoe Hoe".
What did Toni Braxton say to the Home Depot employee?
Unrake My Heart.....
What grows under your nose?
Tulips!
How do you catch a carpenter squirrel (definition: a squirrel that likes power tools)?
Go to Home Depot and pretend to be nut-wood.
Yo mama like Home Depot,"If you can do it, we can help"
The first saturday of every month if you wake up early enough you can go see Miss Peregrine's Home Depot for Peculiar Children.
I took a dump at the store today and I am no longer allowed at the Home Depot.
Did you hear that Macaulay Culkin is at Home Depot Alone.
Hardware Tools
A short skinny guy is drinking beer and All of a sudden another man punches him and says "Karate chop from Japan."
The short skinny guy gets up and moves away. The same man comes again and throws him. He then says "Judo throw from China".
The short skinny guy goes out and is gone for an hour.
He comes back knocks the guy out, and tells the bartender "When he comes to, tell him a crowbar from Home Depot."
Funny pranks to do at Home Depot (Do at your own risk)
Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
While an associate is trying to tell a customer about a high priced item. Look interested in the same item.. and say you can get it cheaper online!
Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in plumbing......and see what happens.
Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' While handling roofing guns, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Hide in a shelving rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
TP as much of the store as possible.
Test out the toilet seats, really test them out.
Hide in the shelving racks and when someone walks by, sound an air horn.
Get boxes of rat traps and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.