Harley Davidson Jokes

Harley Davidson Short Jokes

Q: What does HOG stand for?
A: Heavyset Old Geezers

Q: Why did they decide to call it the "Harley Owners Group?"
A: Because the term "Special Ed" was already taken.

Q: Why are Harley's some of the safest bikes on the road?
A: You can't go fast enough to hurt yourself....

A biker was riding down the street and on his back he had a note saying "if you can read this than my mrs has fallen off!

Q: Did you hear about the harley rider that broke his arm while playing golf?
A: He fell off the ball washer!

Q: What do you call a Harley that doesn't leak oil?
A: Empty!

Q: What do you call ten Harley owners lined up ear to ear?
A: Wind tunnel.

Q: Why did the Harley owner cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

Q: Why did the Harley owner couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Harley owner wedding?
A: He's the one with the CLEAN mechanic's shirt.

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha.

Q: How do you stop a Harley owner on horseback?
A: Unplug the carousel.

Q: What do you do if a Hell's Angel throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: What do you do if a Hell's Angel throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: How do you get a Harley owner out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap and get out of the way.

Q: How do you break a Harley owner's finger?
A: Kick him in the butt.

Q: What's the smallest room in the world?
A: The Harley Davidson Hall of Fame.

Q: Why do Harley owner dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars.

Q: How do you confuse a Harley owner?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner.

Q: What do you get when you have 32 Harley owners in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.

Q: How do you tell if a Harley rider has had sex?
A: His middle finger is clean.

Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
A: The Harley has room for two dirtbags on board.

Q: How is a Harley Davidson like a Porcupine?
A: Both have pricks on their back.

Q: How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
A: They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.

Q: What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
A: The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

What do you get when you cross a Donkey with a Motorcycle?
A Yam-Hee-Haw.

Q: A Harley owner and a NASCAR fan get in a fight, who wins?
A: Everyone else!

Q: What's the happiest day in a Harley rider's life?
A: When they discover that they can use Right Guard under their left arm.

Q: What do you have when you put 10,000 Harley Davidson motorcycles on the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: Where do you put money to hide it from a harley rider?
A: In the bathroom...under the soap.

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a Harley funeral.
A: Garbage cans only have two handles!

Q: What is the most common accessory for Harleys'?
A: A pick-up truck.

Q: Why do harley riders never ride faster than 50mph?
A: Any faster and they can't see where the parts fell off.

Q: Why do harley riders chrome all their parts?
A: It makes them easier to spot on the side of the road.

Did you hear about the Harley owner who put Odor Eaters in his new riding boots?
Two days later, he disappeared.

Harley Davidson Bar Jokes

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "189."
"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The lady answers, "143."
"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "58."
Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

God & Arthur Davidson

The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,"Since you've been such a good man and your Motorcycles have changed the world,your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women?
"God said, "Ah, yes. "
"Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention."
God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur.
"But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."

The Dishes

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not have the extra money, and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet. The dealer tells him not to worry. There is an old biker trick that will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains - and everything will be fine. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointment time, he picks her up on his new Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family. And no one says a word.......
Next he decides to take a more direct approach, so he throws her on the table and makes love to her in front of everyone. And no one says a word.....
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder relations. Yet no one says a word.....
By now he is getting very worried and is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his new Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

And the father says "Never mind! I'll do the dishes!"

Biker Club
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.

She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker
with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.

She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."

The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker
requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, "You have a

The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.

The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and
a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the

The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've
been swung around by my nipples a few times."

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