Goldman Sachs Jokes
Short Goldman Sachs Jokes
Q: How bad is the economy in the United States?
A: So bad that Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen!
Q: Why did Goldman Sachs start the Icelandic volcano eruption?
A: Because they made a fortune shorting all the airline stocks!
Q: Why did Goldman Sachs want to return all the government bailout money ASAP?
A: Because they were upset at all the hidden fees!
Q: How many Goldman Sachs bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
Q: What is Dick Cheney's solution to this financial crisis?
A: Approving waterboarding for Citibank executives!'
Q: How bad does Citibank think this global recession will get?
A: So bad Citibank executives are starting to stimulate their own packages!
Q: Why did the idiot over draw his Goldman Sachs account?
A: Because he had no cents.
Q: Why did the investment banker leave his job?
A: He lost interest.
Q: Did you hear about the Gold Digger?
A: She enjoys long romantic walks to Goldman Sachs.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, make him CEO of Goldman Sachs and he can rob the world.
I was going to make a joke about Goldman Sachs, but I lost interest.
Goldman Sachs Quotes
"Do you know that $8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq? I didn't even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there." -Jay Leno
"While testifying before Congress yesterday, BP CEO Tony Hayward called the oil spill a 'complex accident caused by an unprecedented combination of failures.' Then he realized he was reading notes left on the stand by a Goldman Sachs executive." -Jimmy Fallon
"The oil company said it was the rig company's fault. The rig company said it was Halliburton. And somehow, each time they passed the blame, Goldman Sachs made a hundred million dollars." -Bill Maher
"Experts say if this SUV bomb had gone off, it could have caused almost as much damage to New York City as Goldman Sachs." -Jay Leno
"Well, just four days after Goldman Sachs cost investors $12 billion by failing to tell them that they're being investigated for fraud, they gave out another $5.4 billion in bonuses. Huh? Even Somali pirates are going, 'Come on!'" -Jay Leno
"President Obama released his tax return today. He didn't owe a lot in taxes. He has a lot of dependents. He's got his wife, two daughters, A.I.G., General Motors, Goldman Sachs." -Jay Leno
'Why are government employees filing a civil suit against Goldman Sachs? That's just going to be embarrassing in a few years when they all go back to work at Goldman Sachs.' -Stephen Colbert
Goldman Sachs Bar Jokes
CEO Jogging
Lloyd C. Blankfein was out jogging without his guards. All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with a gun.
The masked man said "Give me all your money!"
Unwilling to do so, Blankfein said, "You can't do this, I'm the CEO of Goldman Sachs!"
The man then replied,... "Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!"
Young Executive
A young Goldman Sachs executive decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.
A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"