Audi Jokes

Short Audi Jokes

Q: How many Audi car salesmen does it take to change your light bulb?
A: It depends on your credit, current lease terms, and willingness to take a balloon payment!

Q: What is the difference between a Audi and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Q: What should you do if you find three Audi owners buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What do Audi owners and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What is the smallest part of an Audi?
A: The owners brain.

Q: What's the difference between a golfball and an Audi?
A: A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.

Q: What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road?
A: Rust-in-peace.

Q: Why did the cat sleep under the Audi?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily

Q: What is the Audi owner's most ardent wish?
A: A bigger penis.

Want to hear a car joke?
Audi A3.

What's the difference between an Audi driver and a door?
The door is more than just a knob.

What should you do if you find three Audi owners buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.

What's the difference between a Audi owner and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Audi owners.

Audi One Liners

So you're in high school and you drive an Audi? You must know all about hard work then.

I would give both my testies for an Audi A8.

Audi has made an A7 that parks itself when you press the "park" button on your phone.

Nevada makes Audi the first automaker allowed to operate self-driving vehicles on public roads

Audi are making a new car for the Southern United States called Partner!

You wanna man that drives a Audi, but your dad drives a Toyota. Why you can't be humble like your mom?

I just saw an Audi driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice. Should I report the vehicle as stolen?

A girl who swallows is like owning an Audi, You don't need it, but it's nice to have.

Audi Bar Jokes

Car Shopping

A lady walks into a Audi dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Audi A8 and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

Mid Life Crisis

A man in his 40's bought a new Audi convertible and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Audi," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 120.... then the reality of the situation hit him.

"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer

Materialistic Lawyer

A lawyer opened the door of his Audi, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious Audi.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Audiiiii!!!", he whiningly said.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid Audi, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?

Audi Acronyms

Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
Another Understated Dealer Incentive
A Used Dodge Incognito
Asshole Usually Driving It.
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Under Diagnostic Inspection
Always Upside-down, Double Interest

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