Diagnostic Computer Joke

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My
elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't
have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. There's a diagnostic
computer at the drugstore on the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes 10
seconds and costs $10.00... a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a jar and takes it to the drugstore. He
deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later the
computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and
masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant ... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a
5. If your don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get

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