Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their
latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them and people
couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it.
And one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Air pollution

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
You can't. There are some things a pig won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips

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