You Know You're Russian If Joke
Your
car costs more than your college education
Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking
or not
Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone
You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your
friend's parents
People are always asking you if you can get them a cheap deal on something...and
you can
You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market
You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for
your late friends cuz they're buying semichki
On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the
tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2
You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are
tinted to twice the legal limit
Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an
automatic by calling them lohs
Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB
You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in
without paying.
You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de
Gio cologne).
You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to.
Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk.
You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka
You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas
You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO, Showtime,
Per-View is on.
Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the
resume, yet they been in US for only 4...
You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but
you still barely know how to turn on a computer).
Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise.
Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently
become a part of your conversational
You're proud to be Russian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Russian
friends!