"After what they say was an exhaustive
investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is
either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he
may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe
they were invaded twice." —Jay Leno
"Did you see the new bomb the government
came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in
Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists
surrendered." —Jay Leno
"American tourists in Paris are reported
to being yelled at, spit upon, and attacked by the French. Thank God things are
getting back to normal." —Jay Leno
"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last
week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the
Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly." —Jay Leno
"Finally, this week the French soldiers
have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures — just like the French to show up after
the hard work has been done." —Jay Leno
"According to the Pentagon today, secret
surrender negotiations are now underway with key Iraqi military officials.
That's what the Pentagon said: We're in secret negotiations, so for God sakes,
don't tell anyone. ... What we're doing basically is giving these key Iraqi
military officials instructions on how to surrender. See, this is where we could
have used the French." —Jay Leno
"Well, it looks like we've moved a step
closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one
up?" —Jay Leno
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