French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq
In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Français (French Surrender Battalion) of the Étranger Légion (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces.
"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954.
"We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories."
President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3,000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateur Français (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.
When Saddam Hussein asked Chirac to advise him as to how many troops would be
needed to defend his capital city, Chirac replied, "I do not know. France
has no experience in defending its capital city."