A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been
nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and
he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering
most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he
sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and a bearded old man answers. The old man squints his
eyes and says, "What do you want?"
The young man says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a
decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have
a meal and sleep in your house for a night."
The old Chinese man says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot
mess around with my grandaughter."
The man, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees saying, "I promise I won't cause
you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning."
The old Chinese man replies, "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the
three worst chinese torture tests ever known to man."
"Agreed," the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to
himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
That night, when the man came to eat after cleaning up, he saw how beautiful
the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been
lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship. As the
girl explained she had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather,
they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
Later that night, the man snuck into the girl's bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. When their love act was
finished, the man crept back to his room thinking to himself, "Any three
torture tests would be worth it after that experience."
The next morning the man awoke and felt something heavy pressing on him. He
opened his eyes and there was a huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign
saying, "1st Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on your chest."
"What a lame torture test," the man thought to himself as he got up and walked
over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the
backside of the rock was another sign saying, "2nd worst Chinese torture test:
Rock tied to RIGHT testicle."
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumped out
the window after the rock. Outside the window was a third sign saying "3rd
worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied to bedpost."