Whore Jokes

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Stick a rusty fucking chainsaw up her cunt.

Q: How do you get a whore pregnant?
A: Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?
A: A fuckin know-it-all!

Some guys are quick to call a girl a hoe, but even quicker to put their penis in one.

Q: Did you hear about the whore that had her appendix taken out?
A: Now she does business on the side!

Q: What do you call a Norwegian prostitute?
A: A Fjord Escort.

Q: What do you call a promiscious pony?
A: A Little Whorse

Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A pastatute.

Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a whore?
A: A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.

Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip

Q: What do you call a Serbian whore?
A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch

Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.

Q: What does bungee jumping and whores have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese whore that had a black baby?
A: She named him Sum Ting Wong!

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
A: They like the part where the whore gives the money back.

Q: How many cops does it take to push a whore down the stairs?
A: None "She fell"

Q: What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman, and a whore with diahrrea?
A: Well, one shucks between fits.

Q: What do you tell a whore with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing. You've already told her twice!

Q: Why do all whores chew gum constantly and blow bubbles?
A: Its not gum buddy!

Q: What kind of cerial makes a prostitute happy?
A: Cheery-Hos

Q: Why did the whore fall out of the tree?
A: Because, she was dead!

Q: How does a whore know she has enough money to pay the rent?
A: Her stomach is full and her nose is running.

Q: How do you get a whore out of bed?
A: You can't!

Q: How do whores know when sex is over?
A: The pimp knocks on the car window.

Q: Why do whores always mention having boyfriend during sex?
A: They do! He's waiting just outside the car waiting to be paid!

Q: What do you call a whore with no legs?
A: A nightcrawler!

Q: What do you call a whore on drugs?
A: Sextasy.

Q: What's the difference between a whore and a horse?
A: They both just sit there and give people free rides.

Q: What does bungee jumping and whores have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q: What's the difference between your job and a Dead Whore?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A: Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

Q: What's the difference between a whore and a hockey player?
A: A hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods

Q: What do you call a group of whores on roller skates?
A: A mobile sperm bank.

Q: What's the difference between Jello and a Dead Whore?
A: Jello wiggles when you eat it!

Q: What do you call a whore who gives blowjobs for a pair of Jimmy Choos?
A: Head Over Heels

Q: What's the difference between a Dead Whore in the road and a dead dog in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dead dog!

Q: How do you get a hooker to moan?
A: You don't pay her.

Q: What do you call a ginger prostitute?
A: Orange pay as you go

Q: What do you call a whore in her own bed?
A: Rare!

Q: What is a whores favorite kids movie?
A: Ho Framed Roger Rabbit.

Q: Did you hear about the woman who sold her body for spaghetti dinners?
A: They call her a pasta-tute.

Q: What do you call a whore with her hand down her panties?
A: Self Employed!

Do you know what time hookers fuck for free?
When its almost eight a cock!

Q: What's the difference between a Corvette and a dead whore?
A: I don't have a Corvette in my garage!

Q: What do you do if your whore is running around screaming and bleeding in your hotel room?
A: Shoot her again!

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a whore?
A: You don't cry when you chop up a hooker!

Q: What did one broke hooker ask the other?
A: Lend me $10 till I'm on my back again.

Q: If a new whore uses vasoline, what does an old whore use?
A: An old whore uses poly-grip!

Q: Why do Republican politicians never conduct business on the same street where a whore is working?
A: Professional courtesy!

Q: What's the difference between Tiger Woods and a whore?
A: Tiger can work his balls both ways!

Q: How many whores are in West Virginia?
A: None they don't charge family.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a cold?
A: Full.

Q: If a judge made a whore wear a sign what would it say?
A: Open trench

Q: Where does Santa have his hoes dance?
A: On the North Pole!

Q: What do you call a scared prostitute?
A: Whore-ified.

What did Ryu say when a whore asked if he wanted a blowjob?

Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a mexican?
A: You have to pay the hooker for extra services.

Q: How bad is the California economy?
A: Even the whores are taking I.O.U's

Q: What do you call a whore that leads an uprising against their pimps?
A: Slut-acus.

Q: Why does Tiger play a round of golf with a whore?
A: To get a hairy hole in one.

Q: Did you hear about the prostitute that thought she was a duck?
A: She charged 7 dollars a quack.

Q: What does a prostitute do on Thanksgiving?
A: gobble gobble gobble.

Q: Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?
A: O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a whore, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!

Slut jokes are just whoreable.

Twinkle twinkle little whore,
you're cheaper than the dollar store.

Q: What do u call hooker that likes in in her ass?
A: a crack whore

Q: Why does a whore's pussy smell?
A: It's full of rotten eggs.

Q: What is a whore's favorite Dr. Seuss book?
A: Oh, the People You'll Blow.

Q: How do you change a skunk to a whore?
A: Replace the u to an a!

Q: What did santa say when he walked into the brothel?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho.

Q: How do you know your waitress is a slut?
A: When her biggest tip is the top of your dick.

Q: Why did the guy call the hoe a rooster?
A: Because any cock'll do.

Did you hear about the blind hooker......
you really have to hand it to her.

Q: What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet?
A: A UF-hoe.

Q: What do you call a movie about a whore who doesn't like bunnies?
A: Ho Framed Roger Rabbit.

Q: What's the Difference Between a Prostitute and a Monkey?
A: Throwing bananas into the car brings in the monkeys, throwing filthy lucre into the car brings in the prostitutes.

What kind of vehicle does a 7-foot hooker drive?
A Tahoe!

Q: What does a gun and prostitute have in common?
A: One cock, they blow.

Q: How do you know when the hooker in your trunk is dead?
A: She smells better.

Q: What do you call a hooker that screws a dinosaur?
A: Jurassic Whore.

Q: What do you call a movie about prostitutes throughout the galaxy?
A: Star Whores

Q: How can you tell when you're in a Polish whorehouse?
A: All the doors are marked "self service".

Q: Why did the starlet put her ovaries on cherry cordials?
A: Because she wanted to make whore-d'oeuvres.

Q: You know the difference between a well dressed, successful lawyer, and a down and out old whore?
A: There's some things even a whore won't do for money.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
A: He opened up a warehouse!

Q: What do you call a whore that swallows?
A: Cream of the Crotch.

Q: What did the guy say to the prostitute?
A: How much do you charge for a blow job because my vacuum can't blow it can only suck?

Twinkle twinkle little whore, You're at school, not Jersey Shore.
You're a slutty orange mess, please go find a longer dress!

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: "Jake's whore house, You got the dough, We got the hoe"


Every morning my alarm tries to pull me and my bed apart, that jealous whore.

The wind is such a whore, it blows everyone.

That awkward moment when you yell "hey slut" and 69 girls turn around.

You should learn to take a joke as easily as you take a dick, whore.

Man-whore? I prefer the term "Vaginasmith".

I heard she was born naked, that slut.

You call her a slut, a whore, and a bitch.. But yet you were the one who dated her.

Yelling "Whore!" in a public place and watching 15 girls turn.

You know what they say about hookers. You don't pay them for sex, you pay them to leave.

So I opened a brothel and called it erectile dysfunction, but it was a flop and no one came.

Slut jokes are just whoreable.

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

Wanna know what slut stands for sexy, large, unforgetable, tits

Named the town whore Beer so my wife doesn't sense me lying when I say "gonna get some beer with friends".

You can't make a whore a housewife but you can definitely make a housewife a whore.

I just checked your symptoms on WebMD and it says you are a Whore.

"Oh, I'm just a flirt." ... no, you're a slut.

I'm not saying your a slag, but even your knickers label says "Next".

If you were a dinosaur, you would be a bi*ch-a-whoreous.

Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they're not a door.

If a prostitute gets pregnant, does it count as an on the job accident?

I'm not saying she's a whore.... all I'm saying is that she's been on more weiners than heinz ketchup.

I'm not saying she's a whore, but her vagina should be in the NFL Hall of Fame for greatest wide-receiver.

I'm no gynecologist but I know a cunt when I see one.

Slag jokes are just whoreable.

Yo momma's such a dumb slut when she was arrested for hooking she said was a British spy for MI-69.

I'm not saying you're a whore, but if your vagina was food, it would be a free sample in the mall food court.

I'm not saying she's a whore, but if her vagina was a video game it would be rated E for Everyone.

Hoe, I'd kick you in yo vagina but I don't wanna lose my shoe.

Sluts make whoreable friends.

Sorry whores, but L.O.V.E. does not stand for: Legs. Open. Very. Easy.

Twinkle twinkle little whore,
I can't pay you anymore,
its not cause I'm broke you see,
its cause i like pussy free

10 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in the hospital
A baby without a name
The baby's a basterd
the mothers a whore
This wouldn't of happened it the rubber wouldn't of tore!

Two Dwarfs
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two whores and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"

First Pussy
This guy was walking down the street and this streetwalker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel.

She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says,

"Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

One Hot Night
A young man and his hot date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a whore and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."

Smell It In The Air
Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.

"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.

"How can you tell?" says the other.

"I can smell cock in the air" replies the first hooker.

"Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!"

Worlds Oldest Profession
One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put whoring.

The tax collector explained that whoring was an illegal occupation.

She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation.

An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer."

He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of whoring."

She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."

Naked Women
A guys walkin down the street and sees a yard full of naked old women just layin in the grass.
So the guy walks up to the door and knocks and says "I'd like to know whats goin on here"
Guy replies "There a bunch of retired prostitutes havin a yard sale"

A salesman go out of town for business.
After a couple of weeks he comes home and tells his wife about it. "Guess what dear, I earned 4000 dollars by selling 50 mattresses and 30 pairs of panties."
The wife replies "Really, well with just one mattress and no panties I earned twice as much."

A man goes to a brothel and he only has two dollars.
He says to the guy running the place "What can I get with this?"
And the guy says "Well, we got a dead hooker upstairs."
So the man goes upstairs for an hour and comes back down.
The guy running the place asks "So, how was it?"
And the man replies "Oh it was great! The only problem was her nose kept running."
And the guy says "Oh, she must be full."

Old Whores
Two tired old whores were sitting on the stairs to their apartment building, sharing a box of cheap wine, watching the sun come up. One asked the other, "Say......you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thought about it for a minute and said, "No. But I sure have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

So there's this class in 9th grade and the class is talking about hurricanes and the teacher call's on the slut and says "What do hurricanes look like after there over?"
And she say's "It was nasty and wet"
Then all of sudden the most quiet kid in class stands up and says "We are talking about hurricanes not your weekend."

Weekly Offering One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering,
the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why, yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot; are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"

The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said.. "Where does he practice?"

The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada ...
He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno "

Koala Bear
A koala bear wandered into a whorehouse and found a sleeping prostitute.
The bear crawled up on her and started licking her privates.
The woman woke up and was a little freaked out to see a bear licking her, but she decided it felt pretty good and she let the bear continue.
The koala kept going and eventually mounted the prostitute, has a great old time, and then walked toward the door.
The prostitute got up and shouted at the bear, "Hey, you have to pay for that!"
The koala shrugged."No, you don"t understand." she said to the bear, "I"m a pro-sti-tute. PRO-STI-TUTE. I get paid for having sex!"
The koala stared blankly."Look, right here."
The prostitute grabbed a dictionary and showed the koala the definition. "Says right here, "Prostitute: One who is paid for sexual services."
The koala looked at the book, then flipped the pages back to "Koala" and showed her the definition:"Australian marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

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