Underwear Jokes


Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.

Why do women wear underwear?
Because workplace health and safety states 'all manholes must be covered when not in use'!

How did the redneck mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

Why don't racehorses wear underwear?
Because it rides up on them!

Why did Donald Trump do a press conference in his underwear?
He wanted to give a news briefing.

Why don't witches wear underwear when riding their broomsticks?
So they can get a better grip!

What do you call a collection of old underwear?
A brief history.

What do you call a stripper with her hand down her panties?
Self Employed!

What kind of underwear do old people wear?
Depends.

The best underwear jokes are brief.

Yo mama so fat the army stole her underwear to use as parachutes.

Pickup Lines

"My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties...oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast..."

Did you get those pants on sale? (Why?) Because at my house they would be 100% off!

Is your name Lionel?, cause your made my panties Messi.

Are you from Japan? Because I want to get in Japanies (your panties)

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

Superheroes
Why is Superman stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants.

Why is Batman more stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear.

Why is Robin even more stupid?
Because he followed what batman did.

Why is Wonder Woman stupid?
Because she wears a belt on her head.

Why is Spiderman the most stupid superhero of them all?
Because he wears his underwear over his head.

Glove and Panties
A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and sent it to her with this note.

Dearest Darling,
This is a little gift to show my affection for you on our Anniversary. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love,

P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing.

Three Ladies
A man goes to a bar. He goes to the dance floor with three ladies.
He says to them if I can guess the color of your underwear you have to dance with me.
His shoe is shiny so he stuck his foot under the 2 of 3 girls and guessed the color of underwears correctly.
When he stuck his foot under the third girl he asked her if she was wearing any underwear.
She replied "No." He said "Good because I thought I had a crack in my shoe."

Panties
A girl came to her mom and said "Mommy! I've got 5 dollers"
Her mom said "Where from?"
"Tommy from down the road he dared me to do a cartwheel" she replied
"Dear that boy is just trying to see your panties!"
"oohh" the girl says
The next day the girl comes to her mom and says "Mommy I've got 10 dollers!"
"I told you dont trust that boy!"
"NO mommy I tricked him I didn't where panties today

Doctor's Visit
A man and his wife goes to the Doctors office, the man who has a hearing problem is there for a physical, the doctor tells the man he will need a urine and stool sample, The man says Hunh !
The doctor repeats himself I will need a urine and stool sample, hunh !
This time the man looks at his wife and asks what did he say?
The wife answers in a loud voice "HE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR"

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