Midget Jokes

Q: What did the midget say when I asked him for a dollar?
A: "Sorry, I'm a little short"

Q: Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls!

Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt.

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice

Q: How do midgets cut their pizza?
A: Little Caesars.

Q: Why can't midgets wear tampons?
A: Because they keep stepping on the string!

Q: What do you call a poor midget?
A: Short changed

Q: What is the definition of "pissed off"?
A: A midget with a yo-yo.

Q: What do you call a midget with. Three legs?
A: Tom (DICK) & harry

Q: What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?
A: A small medium at large.

Q: What did 1 small person say to the other on a swing?
A: I'll push you in a midget!

Q: What do you call a midget with 3 legs?
A: Horny.

Q: Why shouldn't you hire a midget chef?
A: The steaks are too high.

Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A: A little get together.

Q: What do you call a gangster hobbit?

Q: What do you get when you cross a midget with a computer?
A: A short circuit.

Q: What did the doctor say to the midget?
A: You just have to be a little patient.

Q: What do you get if you cross a gay midget with Dracula?
A: Cocksucker!

Q: What do you call a Mexican midget?
A: A paragraph cause he's too short to be an essay.

Q: Why did the man seek counseling after finger banging a midget?
A: He never thought he'd stoop so low.

Q: What do you say to an angry midget?
A: "Someones a little mad".

Q: What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
A: A little fucker about so tall.

Q: Why don't midgets need a wall to play handball?
A: They just use the curb!

Q: Why are gay midgets so appealing?
A: They can suck a dick standing up!

Q: How do you piss of a midget?
A: Give him a yo-yo.

Q: What bank do midgets use?
A: The Piggy Bank!

Q: What do you call a black midget?
A: Ne(don't)gro

Q: Why can't Midgets rob a gas station?
A: Because they can't reach the counter.

My internet provider called me today. Apparently I am downloading too much porn...
I had to switch to midget porn, half the bandwidth...

Q: What do you call a Chinese midget?
A: Tai Nee.

Q: What do midgets look forward to in life?
A: Growing up!

Q: What does a zombie call a midget with a bike?
A: A happy meal.

Q: Did you hear about the midget that got stoned?
A: He could finally hold his head up high.

Q: Why are most midgets good guys?
A: Because they don't look down on people.

Q: What does a midget model do?
A: Pose for trophies!

Q: Why don't people ask midgets for favors?
A: Because they have short term memories!

Q: How do you offend a midget?
A: Hand him a step stool before you start talking to him.

Q: What do you call a Chubby Midget?
A: Low Fat.

Q: What did the man say to his midget waiter?
A: No No No I said I wanted shrimp for dinner!

Q: Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra?
A: He's a little stiff now!

Why don't migets where tampons?
Because they keep stepping on the string!

Q: What did the midget say when he got angry?
A: Sorry, I've got a short temper.

I rear ended a midget with my car today.
He got out and said "I am not happy";
Then I said, well than which dwarf are you?

My wife walked in on me having sex with a Midget, she started screaming at me
Telling me how I promised to stop cheating
So I looked down and said look honey, I cutting down!

Friend: I wasn't that drunk
Me: Dude! You gave a mushroom to a midget and said "Grow Mario! Grow!"

If Pluto isn't a planet because it's too small, then are midgets really people?

Microwave: (noun) A hand gesture used by a midget to say hello.

Just played miniature golf with a midget....but he just called it golf.

I used to be a midget, but I grew out of it.

Midget flag bearers have incredibly low standards.

I was going to write a joke about alcoholic midgets but I don't want to lower the bar.

Two midgets walk into a mini-bar.

I crashed a midgets wedding recently. I didn't like him. I just wanted to see if he vanished when he put the ring on.

That hilarious moment when you see a midget eating a mini donut.

Appreciate the little things. Hug a midget.

I wish I was friends with a midget so I could introduce them by saying, "Say hello to my little friend"

I could not buy pants from the midget. He was a short salesman.

I just saw a midget nun and all I could think was oh ye of little faith.

So..... is it sexual harassment if a midget says your hair smells good?

That awkward moment when you ask a midget what they want to be when they grow up.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.

Last weekend I had about 45 minutes to kill before my NASCAR race came on TV, so I decided to watch a short film on my PC, so I wouldn't miss the start of my race, so I gooogled short films,
.....and midget porn popped up, WTF, thats not what I meant by a short film!! I mean yeah everybody likes a little sex but thats ridiculous

Fortune Teller
Leona had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget.
The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent.

They had Leona arrested.
She was placed in a holding cell.
Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape.

This so incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit.
The following was printed in the paper the next day:
"Small medium at large

At A Party

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk,
"Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

Sexual Harassment

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the
coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Doug. The midget!

Two midgets are in Las Vegas and they have a little money left over, so they decide to go get some hookers.
So the one midget is in his bed and he can't get it up and he hears his friend going 1..2..3.. huh! 1..2..3.. huh! 1..2..3.. huh!
So they meet up at the buffet in the morning and they both look pretty sad so the one asks why so glum and he answers well i couldn't get it up but i don't get why you look so sad?
The other midget says what are you talking about?
"Well I heard you goin' 1..2..3.. huh! 1..2..3..huh! 1..2..3.. huh!"
So he replies "Are you kiddin? me i couldn't get on the fuckin' bed!"

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