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Lesbian Jokes




Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.

Q: what do you call two lesbians floating down a river
A: Fur Traders

Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When u are eating pussy you can still see the asshole in front of you!

Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: "Iíll see you next month."

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men.

Q: Did you hear Ellen DeGeneres died?
A: They found her face down in Ricki Lake.

Q: What do you call lesbian twins?
A: Lick-a-likes.

Q: What does Santa get a lesbian for Christmas?
A: A new carpet to munch on.

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience

Q: Why don't fem lesbians go on dates?
A: Because it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've got Mary Kay on your face.

Q: Have you heard about the new lesbian style of running shoe: the dykee?
A: It has an extra long tongue and only takes one finger to get it off.

Q: Whatís the difference between a lesbian and a ritz cracker?
A: Oneís a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

Q: What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A: Gaylick

Q: What do you call a lesbian who lives up north?
A: A Klondyke.

Q: What's the most important question on the minds of Alaskan lesbians?
A: What would ya do oh oh for a Klondyke bar?

Q: What do you call a lesbian's closet?
A: A lick-her cabinet.

Q: What do you call three lesbians in a closet?
A: A Licker cabinet

Q: What do lesbians call viagra?
A: Batteries

Q: What card game do lesbians play?
A: Poke-her

Q: What do you call a horny lesbian dinosaur?
A: A clitosaurus

Q: What does a lesbian want for christmas more than anything else?
A: a brand new carpet to munch on.

Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hairballs.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
A: Single!

Q: What do you call two lesbians on their period?
A: Finger Painting

Q: What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?
A: Depends

Q: Why can't lesbians go on a diet and wear lipstick at the same time?
A: You can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on your face!

Q: What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats

Q: What do you call a 300 pound lesbian?
A: A bush hog

Q: What do you call a 100 pound lesbian?
A: A weedeater

Q: What did one lesbian say to another?
A: "Your face or mine?"

Q: Do you know why oysters increase lesbian sexual libido?
A: Because after eating a dozen oysters, pussy doesnít taste so bad!

Q: What kind of humor do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in cheek.

Q: Whatís the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A: Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Q: What do you call two Chinese lesbians?
A: two can chew!

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: 3 blind lesbians in a fish market.

Q: How can you tell youíre in a tough lesbian bar?
A: Even the pool table has no balls.

Q: Why do gay men like to have lesbian friends?
A: Someone has to mow the yard.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semiautomatic rifles?
A: Militia etheridge

Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a lesbian?
A: You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Q: What weighs 250 pounds and swims in the San Francisco Bay?
A: Moby Dyke.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: a Lickalotapus

Q: why do lesbians suck at cooking?
A: they always eat out

Q: What drives a lesbian up the wall?
A: A crack in the ceiling.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: What is the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian?
A: One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?"

The woman responds, "I have a woman in twice a week."


One Liners

Being a lesbian is ok, being bisexual is ok, being straight is ok, what's not ok? Wearing crocs.

While having sex with women is fun, I primarily became a lesbian to break my mother's heart.

Even though I saw my mortal enemy in a lesbian porn scene online, I can never mention it, for obvious reasons.

Gay Or Not, if a girl walks past another girl with a fat A$$ she's going to turn around and look!

Lesbian, Bi, Ugly, Fine, Rich, Poor, Skinny, Fat, Black, White, Purple, A FRIEND IS A FRIEND!

Every girl has a little lesbian and stripper side inside her.

If lesbians aren't attracted to men, then why are they attracted to girls who behave like men.

If god hates lesbians why did he create them?

A lesbian couple I know can't afford the double headed dildo they want. They're really struggling to make ends meet.

I don't care if you're black, white, straight, gay, lesbian, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, alien - People are people. Respect them.

Guys, it's not cute when you're an emotional pussy. If I wanted a pussy, I would be a lesbian.

I think most guys turn gay when they go to jail and most girls turn bi/lesbian when they go to an all girls school

Listen straight girl: I'm not going to be the guinea pig for your science experiment. Go makeout with a log

Two Lesbians
Two lesbians turn in for the night.
One lesbian turns to the other and says. "I want to be frank with you."
The other lesbian says "I thought it was my turn to be frank."


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