Q: How does every immigration joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: How do you describe a well-balanced Immigrant?
A: One with a chip on both shoulders.
Q: Why do Mexicans make refried beans?
A: Ever heard of a Mexican doing something right the first time.
Q: Who does NASA arrest?
A: Illegal aliens.
Q: Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A: When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.
Q: Where does Arizona want illegal immigrants to go after passing a landmark immigration bill?
A: Back to their homeland in Los Angeles!
Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by immigration reform in the south?
A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now!
Q: What do you call two immigrants in front of a trash can?
A: Family portrait!
Q: What do you call two immigrants and their pregnant girlfriends in front of a trash can?
A: Night Club!
Q: Why are officials in Arizona still waiting to implement their landmark immigration reform?
A: Because officials want to make sure their pools were clean and their lawns were mowed before signing!
Donald Trump so dumb, he ordered NASA to arrest illegal aliens.
Calling an illegal alien an undocumented immigrant is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist.
World Economic Summit
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train.
As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas"
Upon hearing this President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka "In Russia premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River"
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
There was a lady who immigrated in Canada and married an Canadian gentleman. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.
The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So, she brought her husband to the store... because he spoke English.
Three amigos were trying to return back from a night on the town of Juarez, Mexico.
After sobering up they decided to buy some fruit to bring back to the U.S.
Juan bought a bag of grapes
Pepe bought a cantaloupe
and Jose bought a watermelon.
At the immigration checkpoint
Juan approached the window and the officer asked him if he had anything to declare.
Juan said, "No senor, Just these grapes."
The officer replied. "You cannot cross the border with anything that has a seed in it. But I'll let you through with them but first you have to stick them all up in your butt."
So Juan did as he was told. The officer let him through.
Pepe approached the window and the officer asked him if he had anything to declare. Pepe said , "No senor, just this cantaloupe." The official repeated the same words as he had told Juan.
So Pepe did as told and inserted his fruit up his ass. As he was doing it he started laughing hysterically.
The officer asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He pointed back at Jose and said..."Look what my friend has!"