Hump Day Jokes
What do you call a week without a Wednesday?
Humphrey (Hump Free).
What's wrong with Tiger Woods?
He thinks every day is Hump Day.
What day creates the most alternative energy?
Winds-Day.
When's the last time Christina Ricci was cute?
Wednesday.
What nursery rhyme do you tell the kids on Wednesday?
Humpty Dumpty.
What kind of bread do you eat on Wednesday?
Hump-ernickel.
Why don't they have Drivers Ed on Wednesday in the Middle East?
It wears out the camel.
What do camels sing on karaoke night?
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out).
What does a good lover and Hump Day have in common?
They never come early.
Why do most Americans spend Wednesday in the office?
Because "White Men Can't Hump".
What nursery rhyme do blondes hear every Wednesday?
Humpme Dumpme.
How do you rape a camel?
One hump at a time.
Why was Saturday stronger than Wednesday?
Because Wednesday is a week day.
Do you like Wednesday's because we can go hump back at my place.
Keep calm it's already Wednesday.
Yo momma so ugly, her dog closes his eyes when he humps her leg.
Girl if you were a camel, I'd hump you.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker on Hump Day if my company didn't block access to porn sites on the internet.
A boy decides to celebrate hump day and go to a strip club.
His MOM gets angry : Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
BOY: Yes, I saw dad!
Car Salesmen
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, this economy sucks. It's already Hump Day. If I don't sell more cars this week, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!"
Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem. If I don't sell more ass this week, I'm going to lose my fucking car!"
You Will Hate Fridays
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is
wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all
we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab
and colas.
We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't
worry about getting a hangover because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars
from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer
no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow... that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps,
Blackjack,
Roulette, Poker, Slots. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow.
Do you do drugs??
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great
big bowl
of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Guy: No...
Satan: Ooooh You're gonna hate Fridays.