Dirty Nursery Rhymes

(Row Row Row Your Boat)
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend.

Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies,
just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants
and give me some booty."

Yankee doddle went to town
Riding on a heater
Turned it up to 90
And burnt his little weiner

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
he stuck his thumb up his ass
and found his uncles underpants
and said "What a good boy am I"

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie,
shit pepperoni,
blew his friend tony,
and wiped his chin on his tie.

Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,
jack got high
unzipped his fly
and then they had a little fun,
jill forgot to take the pill
and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to sell a pound of grass.
Jack sat down and smoked that pound and instead he sold Jill's ass.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,
Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where's The Beef?"

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her arse
Now his two front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick her candy
But Jack got a shock
and a mouth full of cock
Cause Jill's real name is randy

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a roll of cheese.
Jack came down with a beaming smile
and his trousers around his knees.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
and did it in the water
Jack slipped
His condom ripped
and they ended up having a daughter

Jack And Jill Went up the hill
So Jack could lick Jills fanny,
all Jack got was a mouth fall of cock
Cause Jills a f**king Tranny.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with some marijuana
Jack got high and Opened his fly
And Jill said Iawanna


Hickory dickory dock
The homo sucked on a chock
The chock shot cum
The homo said "yum!"
Hickory dickory dock

Jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack jump over the candlestick,
if jacks so nimble
and jacks so quick
why is he in the hospital
with a lil burnt dick.

Little Bow Peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard.
When she would pull down her panties, and show him her fanny,
his little wooly ding dong would get hard!

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.
You ain't nothing but a hoe.
U think you're cool, u think you're classy.
Reality Check: You're really trashy.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
fuck your lies, fuck them all.
I don't care what you say,
I'm the shit all day, every day!

The dirty looks, the jealous stares.
The best part is, you think I CARE.
Roll your eyes & talk your shit.
Jealous bitches make me sick.

Jingle bells seniors smell,
juniors all the way...
sophmores suck cause they're all sluts
and freshys have no say... HEY!

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!

Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
fucked her ass and went to bed

Sing a song of bum sex,
An arse hole full of cum.
4 and 20 fat cocks forced up her bum,
and when the ass was open her butt began to bleed,
wasn't that a shitty dish to drop between her knees.
The king was in the parlour moting out the wench.
The queen was in the kitchen strumming on her bean.
The maid was in the garden banging on her pussy,
when down came a penis and squirted in her nose!

Little bow peep fucked a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice.

Happy birthday to you,
squashed bananas and poo,
you smell like a monkey,
and you look like one too!

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
He's an alcoholic and I am too,
Whenever we go downtown
The people always frown
What a shame John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Uncle billy lost his Willie on the M6 motorway...HEY!

You better not pout.
You better not cry.
You better not shout im going in dry.
Santa Claus is cumming.....

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her turds and hay
Along came a spider
That crept up inside her
And frightened that bitch away.

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore
Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more
All the kings horses n all the kings men
Bent the bitch over and fucked her again

Humpty Dumpty sat on the loooooo
Humpty Dumpty did a BIG poo
All the kings horses n all the kings men
Had to wait an hour to use the bathroom again.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Humpty Dumptys penis was small.
Humpty Dumpty cut it of with a saw.
Humpty Dumpty ate it raw.

Humpty Dumpty was getting some pussy,
Humpty Dumpty was grabbing titties,
Humpty Dumpty was slapping ass,
Humpty Dumpty starts humping fast,
Humpty Dumpty felt a splash,
Humpty Dumpty stood up tall,
Humpty Dumpty bust his balls,
now all the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn't put Humpty together again.

Yankee Doodle is a kid that just now had a baby,
he stuck a penis up his ass until it made some gravy.

Rapunzel Rapunzel CUT down your hair
Cause oh ma word
you are a rasta down stairs
Your pussy's too hairy
My dick's even scared

Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
With her legs open wide
Down came a spider
Look right inside her
and said damn that pussy's wide.

little druggy sat in her buggy
smoking a joint of weed
along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and sold her a kilo of speed

Heres the lil slut,
short and stout,
bend me over and i will shout,
so lay me down and eat me out!

In 1492,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue hit a rock,
split his cock,
and pissed all over the ocean blue

(Row Row Your Boat)
Suck suck suck a Dick
Gently up and down
One and two right near his ass
Then he will Kum at last

Jump hump on a dick,
make it nice and stiff,
once it's ready, open steady,
make me moan and twitch.

(Row Row Row Your Boat Animorphic Version) 

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
69 a porcupine.
Orgy at the zoo.

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Finger an orangutang.
Orgy at the zoo.

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Eat a grape, rape an ape.
Orgy at the zoo.

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Masturbate with a snake
Sunning at the zoo.

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck
Gently in the ass
Roll around on the ground
Until you cum at last!

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

Mary Mary quite contrary
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow

Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your fanny cope,
with pubic hair and cocks up there and spunk bubbles all in a row.

Mary, Mary, guite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With a tuft of hair,
(you know where),
And three pretty holes in a row!

Roses Are Red

Roses are red, violets are blue,
faces like yours belong in the zoo.
Don't be mad, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage but laughing at you.

Roses are red that much is true
but violets are purple not fucking blue.

Roses are red.
Sex is elementary.
Let's call up a friend,
And try double entry!

Roses are red.
Nuts are round.
Skirts go up.
Panties go down.
Belly to belly.
Skin to skin.
When it's stiff,
stick it in.

If all are willing
you'll get double billing.
So, after one at each end
you'll need time to mend.

Roses are red.
My mind is twisted.
Bend over baby,
Your about to get fisted.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm putting my shaft,
Inside of you

Roses are red ,lemons r sour,
open your legs and give me and hour
kissing is a habbit
fucking is a game
guys get all the pleasure
gurls get all the pain.
10 min of pleasure
9months of pain
3 days in the hospital
a baby with no name
the baby is a basturd
the mother is a whore
this wouldnt have happened
if the rubber hadnt torn,
sex is like math
you subtract the clothes
add the bed
divide the legs and pray to go you dont multiply.
roses are red
grass is green
open your legs and fill you with cream
sex is evil
sex is a sin
sinns are your given
so stick it in.
roses are nice
violets are fine
ill be the 6 if you be the 9.
eat me beat me
bite me blow me
fuck me suck me
very slowly
if you like it dont be sassy
just use your tongue and make it nasty

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What I thought was vaseline,
Turned out to be glue!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Im in love but not with you.
You told your frieds that I was a trick.
and I told my friends you have a weak dick.

Roses are red,
Poems are corny,
the way you get down
makes me feel horny!

Roses are red
Your blood is too
you look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage
But laughing at you!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
God made me pretty,
What the hell happened to you?

Roses are red nuts are brown
Skirts go up pants go down
Body to body skin to skin
When it's stiff you stick it in
It goes in dry and comes out wet
The longer its in the stronger it gets
When it comes out dripping and starts to sag
It's not what you think
It's a tea bag

Twinkle Twinkle

Twinkle Twinkle little slut,
You Like Dick inside your butt.

Twinkle Twinkle little whore,
Close your legs, they're not a door

Twinkle twinkle little b**ch,
Close your legs it smells like fish

"Twinkle twinkle little snitch,
mind your own business you nosey bitch.

Twinkle Twinkle little slut
Name a guy you haven't fucked
Is he skinny is he tall
Nevermined you fucked them all
Twinkle twinkle little bitch
Close your legs
They smell like fish

Twinkle twinkle little whore,
you're at school, not Jersey Shore.
You're a slutty orange mess,
please go find a longer dress!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Hey baby have you seen the backseat of my car
With your legs up high
I'll make you cry
and make you forget where you are

Twinkle twinkle little slut
May I fuck you in the butt
Fuck you hard till you cum
While I'm jizzin' in your bum
Twinkle twinkle little slut
Can I fuck your precious cunt

Twinkle twinkle little whore,
you're cheaper than the dollar store.

Twinkle twinkle little whore,
I can't pay you anymore,
its not cause I'm broke you see,
its cause i like pussy free

Twinkle twinkle, little star
can I fuck you in my car
up above your boobs so high
always milky never dry
let me press it
don't feel shy
pull down your panties
let me try

Twinkle twinkle little star.
Suck my Dick and suck it hard
but if I come before my time
then suck my dick and eat my slime.

Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
Mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V

Mary had a little lamb,
His fleece all white and whispy,
Along came foot and mouth disease,
And now he's black and crispy.

Mary had a little lamb it's fleece was black as charcoal.
And everywhere that Mary went she'd kick it up the arsehole.

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantle piece
To see if they would fuck

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead.
it followed her to school one day.
between two slices of bread

Mary had a litte pig,
She kept it fat and plastered,
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
Ten thousand volts went up it's ass,
And turns it's wool to nylon

Dirty Rhymes

When Shit goes down and sides are taken,
you find out who was real and who was fakin.

Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain.
But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

She spends hours & hours fixing her hair,
Just for the boy who will never care.

Were all in the same game; just different levels
Dealing with the same hell; just different devils

U jerk; i dougie. ur cool; I'm epic. ur Fresh; I'm Fly. u Kid; i Joke.
u walk; i swag. u dream; I believe. ur Different; I'm Original!

I cared, you didn't. I cried, you laughed. I was hurt, you smiled.
I moved on, you realized. Too late.

Barney is a dinosaur
With no imagination
Shoved his finger up his arse
And died of constipation

Jesus is a patron saint of our imagination.
Got nailed to a wooden cross and died of dehydration.
(to the theme of barney)
Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
your pussy full of rust

Wanted by many, taken by none,
looking at some, but waiting for one.

There once was a lass called Louise,
whose cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese,
she leaked so much grunge,
that she purchased a sponge,
that sopped up the muck to her knees.

Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand.
Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.

You call me a BITCH,
Actually I'm beautiful SHIT,
You think your all that,
but your a SON OF A BITCH

There once was a lady from ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She leant on her back
Opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling

Roses are red,
Nuts are brown,
Skirts go up,
Pants go down,
Body to body,
skin to skin,
When it's stiff stick it in,
Goes in dry,
Comes out wet,
The longer its in,
The stronger it gets,
It comes out dripping,
And it starts to sag,
It's not what you think it is,
It is a lipton tea bag.

There once was a man with a very long dick
He once met a couple of girls with very plump tits
They sat and they shat
They flicked and they licked
Then those bitches got hit with a Godzilla dick

Everyone's doing it doing it doing it
Picking their nose and chewing it chewing it chewing it
They think its some kind of candy but its snot

Mother Fucker titty sucker two balled bitch
ping pong pussy and a rubber dick,
Your daddy's got a dick like a rattle snake,
your momma's got a pussy like a garden rake.

10 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in the hospital
A baby without a name
The baby's a basterd
the mothers a whore
This wouldn't of happened it the rubber wouldn't of tore!

There once was a bar maid from Yale
Upon her chest tattooed were the prices of ale
And for the sake of the blind
Upon her behind was the same thing in brail

I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times.
Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories.

Boys, boys the magical fruit.
The more you eat the more they shoot.

Pills, pills the magical dust
the more you take, the more you trust
The more u trust the higher you get
So take a handful, who gives a shit

Words begin with ABC. Numbers begin with 123.
Music begins with do, re, mi. And this love begins with you and me.

"I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive.
I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful."

I'm strong cause I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because i'm a fighter.
I'm wise because I've been foolish.I laugh because I've know sadness.

I don't hate you, I never will. I just act like I do,
because it's easier than admitting that I miss you.

Bitch, please. Last time I checked, awesome ended with 'ME'
and ugly started with 'u'

She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying.
She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying.

There once was a girl by the name of Kim
She had a Guy by the name of Jim
Big fat balls and a hairy long dick
Stuck it down her throat and made her sick
She gagged and puked and gagged some more
Yes sir e she is a whore
Big fat tits and a hairy cunt to boot
If you don't watch it she will set on your snoot
Suck your head right up her twat
Her ass is as big as a parking lot
She died at the age of 26
Because she like to suck those dicks.

Little John sat in the class,
The teacher drew a cucumber on the white glass,
She asked: " What is it? "
Little John raised his hand,
He answered: "A Dildo"
Little John was sent out the class,
And by came the principal.
He asked Little John,
Why he was not in class.
Little John replied: "I really don't know"
The principal brought John back in the class
And yelled at the teacher:
"Why is Little John out the class?
And who drew a dildo on your white glass?"

Here I sit all broken hearted
Tried to shit but only farted
Then one day i took a chance
Tried to fart ,and shit my pants

Thunder Buddies (Ted)
When you hear the sound of thunder, dont you get too scared.
Just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words:

Fuck you, Thunder.
You can suck my dick.
You cant get me, Thunder,
because you're just Gods farts.

Dirty Nursery Rhymes

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