Back to: Dirty Jokes
(Row Row Row Your Boat)
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend.
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
he stuck his thumb up his ass
and found his uncles underpants
and said "What a good boy am I"
Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
Mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V
Mary had a little lamb,
His fleece all white and whispy,
Along came foot and mouth disease,
And now he's black and crispy.
Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies,
just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants
and give me some booty."
HICKERY DICKERY DOC
THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK
THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO
I DUMPED MY GOO
AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK.
Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,
jack got high
unzipped his fly
and then they had a little fun,
jill forgot to take the pill
and now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,
Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where’s The Beef?"
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her arse
Now his two front teeth are missing.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick her candy
But Jack got a shock
and a mouth full of cock
Cause Jill's real name is randy
Jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack jump over the candlestick,
if jacks so nimble
and jacks so quick
why is he in the hospital
with a lil burnt dick.
Little Bow Peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard.
When she would pull down her panties, and show him her fanny,
his little wooly ding dong would get hard!
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.
You ain't nothing but a hoe.
U think you're cool, u think you're classy.
Reality Check: You're really trashy.
Mirror mirror on the wall,
fuck your lies, fuck them all.
I don't care what you say,
I'm the shit all day, every day!
The dirty looks, the jealous stares.
The best part is, you think I CARE.
Roll your eyes & talk your shit.
Jealous bitches make me sick.
Jingle bells seniors smell,
juniors all the way...
sophmores suck cause they're all sluts
and freshys have no say... HEY!
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!
Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
fucked her ass and went to bed
Sing a song of bum sex,
An arse hole full of cum.
4 and 20 fat cocks forced up her bum,
and when the ass was open her butt began to bleed,
wasn't that a shitty dish to drop between her knees.
The king was in the parlour moting out the wench.
The queen was in the kitchen strumming on her bean.
The maid was in the garden banging on her pussy,
when down came a penis and squirted in her nose!
Little bow peep fucked a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
He's an alcoholic and I am too,
Whenever we go downtown
The people always frown
What a shame John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
Rapunzel Rapunzel CUT down your hair
Cause oh ma word
you are a rasta down stairs
Your pussy's too hairy
My dick's even scared
Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
With her legs open wide
Down came a spider
Look right inside her
and said damn that pussy's wide.
Heres the lil slut,
short and stout,
bend me over and i will shout,
so lay me down and eat me out!
In 1492,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue hit a rock,
split his cock,
and pissed all over the ocean blue
(Row Row Your Boat)
Suck suck suck a Dick
Gently up and down
One and two right near his ass
Then he will Kum at last
(Row Row Row Your Boat Animorphic Version)
Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
69 a porcupine.
Orgy at the zoo.
Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Finger an orangutang.
Orgy at the zoo.
Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Eat a grape, rape an ape.
Orgy at the zoo.
Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Masturbate with a snake
Sunning at the zoo.
Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck
Gently in the ass
Roll around on the ground
Until you cum at last!
Mary Mary Quite Contrary
Mary Mary quite contrary
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e’s and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your fanny cope,
with pubic hair and cocks up there and spunk bubbles all in a row.
Mary, Mary, guite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With a tuft of hair,
(you know where),
And three pretty holes in a row!
Roses Are Red
Roses are red, violets are blue,
faces like yours belong in the zoo.
Don't be mad, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Roses are red that much is true
but violets are purple not fucking blue.
Roses are red.
Sex is elementary.
Let's call up a friend,
And try double entry!
Roses are red.
Nuts are round.
Skirts go up.
Panties go down.
Belly to belly.
Skin to skin.
When it's stiff,
stick it in.
If all are willing
you'll get double billing.
So, after one at each end
you'll need time to mend.
Roses are red.
My mind is twisted.
Bend over baby,
Your about to get fisted.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What I thought was vaseline,
Turned out to be glue!
Twinkle Twinkle
Twinkle Twinkle little slut,
You Like Dick inside your butt.
Twinkle Twinkle little whore,
Close your legs, they're not a door
Twinkle twinkle little b**ch,
Close your legs it smells like fish
"Twinkle twinkle little snitch,
mind your own business you nosey bitch.
Twinkle twinkle little whore,
you're at school, not Jersey Shore.
You're a slutty orange mess,
please go find a longer dress!
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Hey baby have you seen the backseat of my car
With your legs up high
I'll make you cry
and make you forget where you are
Twinkle twinkle little whore,
you're cheaper than the dollar store.
Dirty Rhymes
When Shit goes down and sides are taken,
you find out who was real and who was fakin.
Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain.
But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.
She spends hours & hours fixing her hair,
Just for the boy who will never care.
Were all in the same game; just different levels
Dealing with the same hell; just different devils
U jerk; i dougie. ur cool; I'm epic. ur Fresh; I'm Fly. u Kid; i Joke.
u walk; i swag. u dream; I believe. ur Different; I'm Original!
I cared, you didn't. I cried, you laughed. I was hurt, you smiled.
I moved on, you realized. Too late.
Wanted by many, taken by none,
looking at some, but waiting for one.
Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand.
Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.
There once was a lady from ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She leant on her back
Opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling
I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times.
Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories.
Words begin with ABC. Numbers begin with 123.
Music begins with do, re, mi. And this love begins with you and me.
"I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive.
I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful."
I'm strong cause I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because i'm a fighter.
I'm wise because I've been foolish.I laugh because I've know sadness.
I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do,
because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you.
Bitch, please. Last time I checked, awesome ended with 'ME'
and ugly started with 'u'
She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying.
She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying.
There once was a girl by the name of Kim
She had a Guy by the name of Jim
Big fat balls and a hairy long dick
Stuck it down her throat and made her sick
She gagged and puked and gagged some more
Yes sir e she is a whore
Big fat tits and a hairy cunt to boot
If you don't watch it she will set on your snoot
Suck your head right up her twat
Her ass is as big as a parking lot
She died at the age of 26
Because she like to suck those dicks.
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