Dirty Fairy Tales Joke

Big Bad Wolf:
The big bad wolf said to little red riding hood "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits" fuck off she replied as she tugged down her pantie's "eat me like the fuckin book says"

Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls now?" \
"Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.
The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."

Snow White & Pinocchio:
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying,
"Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Mickey Mouse:
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fucking Goofy."

Big Bad Wolf 2:
Little red riding hood was walking through the forst and saw the wolf hiding in the grass
She said what big ears you have and he says the better to hear you with & he runs off...
Then she sees him hiding behind a tree & she says what big eyes you have,the better to see you with he says & runs off...
Then she sees him hiding behind a rock & says what big teeth you have & he says damit whould you leave me a lone I'm trying to take a poop,dam little nosey brat

One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking to her grandmother's house. She knocks on the door, but all she hears is screams.
So she throws open the door and sees the Big Bad Wolf and her grandmother in the bed. She exclaims, "Grandma, are you alright? I thought the Big Bad Wolf was eating you!"
The grandmother replies, "He was, until you showed up."

Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit.
The bear was taking a shit in the woods when he asked the rabbit if he had problems with shit sticking to its fur.
The rabbit said no so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

Dirty Nursery Rhymes

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