Coronavirus Jokes


What's more dangerous than the Coronavirus pandemic?
Misinformation.

Why are people hoarding toilet paper?
Because when one person coughs or sneezes, everyone else shits themselves.

What do people with coronavirus eat?
Mac & Sneeze.

What's the difference between a Chinese zoo and an American zoo?
A Chinese zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

What goes with Coronavirus?
Lyme disease.

Don't want your friends to come over and drink all your beer during the quarantine?
Just tell them you have a case of Corona.

The salons, spas, and gyms are all closed.
It's about to get ugly out there.

Did you hear about what happened in China?
Everybody was Kung Flu fighting......

What do you get when you cross the 3 Little Pigs and Coronavirus?
One dead wolf!

What do you call people who eat non-domesticated animals?
Bat-shit crazy.

You know if you die from the coronavirus, even your death will be "Made In China".

What goes with salt & lime, and leads to a monday morning hangover?
Quaran-tequila.

What happens when the smog lifts over Southern California?
U.C.L.A.

Why are blondes removing their breast implants?
Because Dr. Fauci said we need to flatten the curve.

I asked a muslim friend "How did you catch the coronavirus?"
He said "I ran."

You know what's harder than breathing with a mask or face covering?
Breathing with coronavirus.

I asked my Chinese friend "How good is the governments handling of the Coronavirus pandemic?"
He replied "can not complain"

What do you call a musician that follows CDC guidelines?
The Masked Singer.

Why doesn't Covid-19 hurt children?
Because when your 19 it's child abuse.

What board game do spring breakers like to play?
Coronavirus Risk.

When do you see symptoms from the coronavirus?
Right off the "bat".

How do you know if you have the German strain of the Coronavirus?
Most people still recover but afterwards your hungry for power.

What do you call the Chinese doctor who discovered the coronavirus?
Ho Lee Fuk

What are some kids calling the spring of 2020?
The Chore-ntine.

Why doesn't R. Kelly want to catch Covid?
Because 19 is too old for him.

What do you call a book about sexting during the quarantine?
Love in the Time of Coronavirus.

What does someone with Covid eat for dessert?
Sneezecake with cough syrup.

How do you know when a bee has a coronavirus fever?
He takes off his yellow jacket.

What song do they sing at the end of Lego Movie 3: Coronavirus?
Everything is cancelled........and now we're all stuck in quarantine.

Why did coronavirus win the race?
It coughed to a running start.

A teenage girl walks into a medical clinic and tells the doctor she has the coronavirus.
Doctor: Nope, it's just a mild case of Bieber Fever!
The girl responds "What do you mean?"

How do two spring breakers practice social distancing?
They just wave... Did you Sea what I did there?...I'm shore you did, beach.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his agent started coughing?
"I'll be back.......in 14 days"

I asked the librarian for a book about the Coronavirus.
She said it's in Asia right now and will be here in a couple of weeks.

What are kids doing during the quarantine?
Playing bored games.

What do you call a documentary about the origins of Covid-19?
Unmasking the truth.

How do you know if Taylor Swift has the coronavirus?
When all she can do is "Shake and Cough, Shake and Cough"

Yo momma so chatty, that social distancing is ruining her life.

I made a joke about the coronavirus, not everyone got it at first, but eventually everyone did.

Coronavirus Jokes are funny when you don't have any symptoms!

CAUTION! Coronavirus jokes are spreading.

Toilet paper jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2

Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic.

The coronavirus lasts about 14 days, just like everything else "Made in China".

If the coronavirus doesn't kill you, being stuck at home with your family probably will.

Giving people toilet paper is no longer a shitty gift.

Please tell my parents its the quarantine and not the quaran-clean.

I had a Coronavirus nightmare where I couldn't wipe my ass. It was the shittiest dream ever.

The 2020 baby boom will give rise to the Quaran-teens.

Dear Costco shoppers, you cannot eat toilet paper!

Coronavirus jokes went viral much faster than I thought they would.

This is the only time you can walk into a bank with a mask on and not get in trouble.

Breaking News
John Travolta was hospitalized after suffering from chills and a cough related to a suspected Coronavirus.
But doctors soon realized that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Ache
Ache Who?
Sorry I Did Not Know You Have The Coronavirus.

Good News, Bad News
A man and his wife went to the doctor. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
"Your wife has the coronavirus."
"Jeez! What could possibly be good news."
"She didn't get it from you."

Dog Park
As stay at home orders were being relaxed, a woman goes to a dog park and sees a man sitting on the bench and crying.
The woman, in a consoling manner, says to the man "I'm sorry for your loss."
The man replies "These are actually tears of joy, before the coronavirus pandemic I was going to lose my business, my house and my family. Now I'm making more money than I ever dreamed of."
The woman, a bit purplexed, asks "Do you work in the healthcare industry?"
The man laughingly answers "No, I'm a divorce attorney."

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