Comebacks


"Hold that thought forever."

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

"Grammar error on Facebook? your argument is invalid."

"I Call Bullshit"

"If I had a fuck to give, I wouldn't waste it on your problems."

"I'm sorry, I don't speak with the piece of shit that I dodge on the sidewalk."

"No, I get enough of you on Facebook, I don't need to follow you on Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter."

"Revenge, I'm too lazy. I am going to let karma fuck you up."

"I'm glad your comfortable with your weight."

"Just because your on your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch."
"Just because you have a dick doesn't mean you can be one."

"Go Fuck Yourself" or "Fuck You"

"Wow, I bet you even fart glitter."

"You should really come with a warning label."

"Shut Up your not suppose to talk while menstrating."

"Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."

"I'm not Facebook stalking you, I'm doing research."

"Are you a calender? Because your days are numbered!"

Are you poor? Because you are not making any cents!

"Keep Your opinions to yourself"

I don't have enough middle fingers for you today.

"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."

I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you.

"Tell your Mom, I said "Hi"

"Breaking news just in: You're an asshole!"

Huh? I'm sorry, I was ignoring you.

Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers!

"Don't get your panties in a bunch."

I bet your doesn't pick up all the channels.

"I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse."

"Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth."

Take it up with my butt because he's the only one who gives a crap.

"Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger."

"Take it up with my ass because he's the only one who gives a shit."

"Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?"

"How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?"

"Kiss My Ass!"

"Why don't you show more confidence and less arrogance."

"If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart.

"That's what she said"

"Your wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead."

"Did you hear that? It's the sound of no one caring."

"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."

"It's called "Fuck Off" and its located over there."

"You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."

"I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up"

"Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?"

"Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers but the middle one is for you."

"Stupidity really agrees with you."

Do you work at 411? Because that was way too much information!

"How did you slip into the gene pool? When the lifeguard wasn't watching?"

"You are living proof that evolution is reversable."

Do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally.

"That's not what your momma said."

"Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? It's not working out."

"If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin."

"You deserve better and so do I"

Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
A: The back of my hand.

Friend: What are you, 5?
Guy: 5 inches deep in your mom!

Guy: "Wanna hear a joke?"
Girl "No, thanks I am already looking at one!"

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?"
Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka."

Wife: "Go to hell."
Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. They kicked my ass out. I was caught selling ice."

Wife: "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband: "Only you, Darling... with all the others I was awake...."

Wife: "I have changed my mind."
Husband: "Thank God! Does the new one work now?"

Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you."
Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick."

Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch!
Girl: Shut up. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours.

Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."
Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse"
Girlfriend says "YEP,a sea horse."

Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?"
Wife: "No."
Husband: "Me neither, start cooking."

Teacher: "How can we keep the school clean?"
Student: "By staying home"

Mom: "What did you learn in school?"
Son: "Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow."

Insult: "You need a new brain dummy"
Comeback: "If I did need a new brain I'd choose yours because I'd want one that had never been used."

Yo Momma Jokes
Rejecting Pick Up Lines
Break Up Lines
Rude Jokes


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