Chav Jokes


What is the difference between shite in a bucket and a chav?
The bucket.

What do you call a chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

If you have an auto containing a scouser, a hooligan, and a chav, who is driving?
The bobby.

What do you get when you put a chav in a box in a blender?
Init Mush.

How do you get 100 Chavs in a Mini Cooper?
Throw in a Giro.
How do you get them all out again?
Throw in a Job application.

What do you call a chav in a suit?
The accused

What do you call a chav in a vault?
Safe.

What do you call a chav who speaks proper English?
MI5.

How does a chavette turn off the light after having sex?
She closes the car door.

What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted

What's a chav's definition of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

What does a 15 year old chav say to his chavette girlfriend?
Hey mum.

What do you call a chavette with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
What do you call a chav with 3 brain cells?
Gifted.

What do you call a chav in a bee-hive?
Buzzin'

What do you call a chav that does well on an IQ test?
A cheat.

Why does a chav keep a picture of himself on his dashboard?
So he can park in disabled parking.

Two chavs jump off a building who lands first?
Who even cares?

What do you say to a Chav with a good looking bird on his arm?
Nice tattoo

How do you get a chav to wear a condom?
Put an ADIDAS logo on it.

What’s wrong with putting 6 chavs in a mini bus and pushing it over a cliff?
You can fit 18 in a mini bus.

What’s the difference between a chavette and an orange?
One’s orange and pimply, the other is an orange.

What do you call a chav in a three-bedroom house?
A burglar.

You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and a chav. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the chav. Twice.

What do you say to a chav in a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

Why do people like driving a car with a chav?
Because you can park in the disabled parking!

Why did God make chavettes smelly?
So blind people could laugh at them too!

What do chavs use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter

What's the difference between a chav and mosquitoes?
Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

What do chavs and slinkies have in common?
They're both useless, but it's fun to watch them fall down stairs.

What's more fun than watching a chav fall down a flight of stairs?
Pushing one down.

A.D.I.D.A.S. = All Day I Dream About Sports

One day there was 3 girls one worked for British Airways and wore blue knickers,
the second one worked for Tesco and wore red knickers,
the other one wore no knickers and was a chavette.

Chav in a pub
A chav is a sat at a pub when this really camp, tearoom queen walks in.
He sits next to the chav and has a few drinks.
Anyway, a little later on when he's a bit drunk he leans to the chav and whispers " how about a blowjob?", the chav goes mad and starts hitting him over the head with his stool and drags him outside.
The chav then comes back in and starts drinking his pint again.
The barman asks, "I see you in here everyday and you never act like that. What did he say to make you so angry?",
The chav replies "Dunno something about a job."

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