Booty Jokes


What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion?
A piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye!

I only trust people who like big butts......They cannot lie.

What was the movie "Superbad" originally about?
A heart-warming tale about Kim Kardashian's ass!

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them

What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Piccassole

According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphones overheating?
Downloading images of Jen Selter's booty!

If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
Three feet of my cock up your ass.

What Do You Take When Your Butt Hurts?
Assprin

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.

What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Why did Little Ms Mufffet push Humpty Dumpty off the wall?
Because she wanted to see his crack!

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who totally removed a woman's buttocks?
It was a Disass-ter.

What do you get when you combine samarium, argon, tellurium, asenic, and sulfur?
SmArTe AsS.

What do you call a couple of nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

What Mary J Blige song does Nicki Minaj like to cover?
Take Me Ass I am.

Did you hear about Nicki Minaj?
She won a booty pageant.

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield?
His ass.

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your butt say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop"

Wanna hear a joke that will make you laugh your ass off? Oh wait I see you already heard it.

Jen Selter's ass is so big, when she were born, the doctor said "Congratulations! Twins!"

Yo mama so ugly she has the booty of a stripper and the face of a trucker.

Roses are Red, Foxes are clever, I like your butt, Let Me Touch It Forever

I love you with all my butt, I would say heart but my butt is bigger.

A boss is like a babies diaper always on your ass and always filled with sh*t

Whoever invented yoga pants deserves a medal.

When a man impales you through the ass, it hurts like hell, when a woman impales you through the ass, its emasculation

If you didn't want me to stare at your booty, you shouldn't have worn yoga pants.

I heard the Kardashians are booty-ful.

Yo mama's ass is so hairy they have it on a sign at Yellowstone saying "Don't feed the bears"

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

I have a friend; her name is Anabella Susannah Sinclair. Her initial is- ASS. When we want her to move something, we tell her, HAUL ASS!

Did you hear about the movie diarrhea? You can still see it because its been running all week.

Yo mama so fat I told her to haul ass & she hadda make two trips.

Butt Pick Up Lines:

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!

Whoa gurl, where you goin?.....Tha National Booty Convention?

Girl, are you sure you're a muggle cause I'd swear that ass is magical!

Hey do you have an inhaler? Cause you got that ass ma!

Are you from the ghetto cause I'm about to ghetto hold of that ass.

Does your ass have a number because its calling me.

They're called "eyebrows" cus my eyes are browsin your fine ass

Are you from Mars beucase your ass is out of this world.

Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.

Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?

Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put my dick in your ass!

I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up

Yeah. I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?

So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight?

I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts.

My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

(Looking at a girls ass) Where does this bus go anyway?

I like being able to breathe but I wouldn't mind having that ass-thma

Barbeque

Mark and his wife were working in their garden one day when Mark looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbeque."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's booty.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbeque!"

The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Mark is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this Big-A$$ grill for one little weenie?"

Toilet Paper

Stepping out of the shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of simply telling her it's not so, the husband jokingly comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt; didn't it?"

Nursing School
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class.
The subject of the day is involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does during an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."

Car Salesmen
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, this economy sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!"
Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem. If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!"

Prostate Exam
A guy goes to doctor.
During prostate exam he says "Hey doc your ring is kinda hurtin me, can you take it off?"
and the Doctor says "I'm sorry, that's not my ring that's my watch"

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