Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?
A: A tearjerker.
Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A: She's the one with the dirty knees.
Q: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob.
A: Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can’t beat a blowjob.
Q: Why did the woman smile when she walked down the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!
Q: What’s the best thing about a blow job?
A: The ten minutes of silence!
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What do you call ball's on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!
Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?
A: The grip!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who broke her nose on a steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A: You just KNOW she'll swallow!
Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!
Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,
Q: What’s better than a rose on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.
Q: What's sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman?
A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.
Q: What is the square root of 69?
A: Ate something!
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high sperm count?
A: You have to chew before you swallow!
Q: Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?
A: You don’t know? soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?
Q: How can you tell when you've had a really good blowjob?
A: You have to pull the sheets out of your ass.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for sex?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod!
Q: What’s the definition of trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Q: What’s the difference between pink and purple?
A: The grip!
Q: What does 69 equal?
A: A couple of mouths full.
69 is always great, but 16 is better because you both get eight!
Oh Henry
A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea.
She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died.
The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much.
After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to him.
"Henry," she said, "you know that mink cape I wanted all my life? Well your company sold for so much that now I have bought myself a beautiful full length mink coat."
"And Henry," she said, "you know that trip to the Caribbean I always wanted to take? Well, I took a world cruise for 90 days and it was wonderful!"
"And Henry," she continued, "you know that big blue Cadillac I had been hoping for the last 5 years? Well I bought a Rolls Royce instead and it drives like a dream."
"Oh, and Henry," she said, "you know that blow job you always wanted?" and she blew the ashes out of her hands into the sea..
School
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate."
Ms Hall smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful."
Little Billy says, "No, Miss Hall, you’re thinking of a blowjob."
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