Redneck Shorts Joke

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
  Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  You burn your yard rather than mow it.
  You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
  The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
  Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to
  spare a loved one.
  You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
  You come back from the dump with more than you took.
  Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
  Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
  You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
  You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
  You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
  Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
  You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
  You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
  You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
  You have a rag for a gas cap.
  You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  You've hit on somebody in a VD clinic.
  Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
  You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
  Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
 You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
  Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
  You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
  You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
  You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
  You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
  You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
  You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

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