OFFENSIVE WORLD RECORDS Joke
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her
stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the
armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation,
completely insert a lubricated American football into her
vagina.
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit
and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of
7ft 1 inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely
drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their
wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very
recently
attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It
contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of
French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with
a
tampon(unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a
'Cunt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount
of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest
height(12ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or
muzzle velocity,
with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American,
who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins
which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in.
The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an
officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.