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Tim Tebow Jokes


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Tim Tebowisms

When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Tim Tebow.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Tim Tebow's sweat.

A spike in Tim Tebow stiff arms caused the tooth fairy to go broke in 1997.

You don't hit Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow hits you!

The NFL renamed the 2 minute warning, "Tebow Time"

Tim Tebowís number is 15 because thatís how many players it takes to tackle him.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Tim Tebow's forearm.

They once asked Ray Lewis if he'd like to run full speed at Tim Tebow, and he said "No".

SuperMan wears Tim Tebow Pajamas. So does Lou Holtz.

Tim Tebow doesn't have an offseason. The NFL has an offseason from Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.

"Santa Claus used to wonder if Tim Tebow was real."

Tim Tebow was once told his urine tested positive for steriods. Tim Tebow responded with a laugh and said "Where do you think steroids come from?"

When Tim Tebow touches water it turns into Gatorade.

The NFL is not challenging enough, thats why Tim Tebow waits until the end of the 4th quarter to start playing.

You can lead a horse to water, but Tim Tebow can make him drink.

Tim Tebow doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Sheep count Tim Tebow touchdowns when they sleep.

Last night my girlfriend had a dream that she slept with Tim Tebow, she woke up pregnant.

Tim Tebow can win American Idol with sign language.

"Tim Tebowís Rice Krispies donít snap, crackle, pop; they recite John 3:16."

Tim Tebow can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 A.M.

Tim Tebow ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Siri doesn't work on Tim Tebow's iPhone 4S, because NOBODY talks back to Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.

Tim Tebow won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

Tim Tebow can win a freestyle rap battle with bible scriptures.

Scientists agree, the Big Bang was actually a Tim Tebow stiff arm.

If Tim Tebow was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Tim Tebow joined the NHL. But shortly after quit after he found out the NHL only has 3 periods in a game.

People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow's family once threw him a surprise party. Once.

Tim Tebow hits blackjack with just one card.

Chuck Norris was seen tebowing at his local Christian church

The only reason you're still conscious is because Tim Tebow hasn't stiff-armed you in the face.

When Tim Tebow was a kid, he made his mom finish his vegetables.

OT no longer means "Over Time". It's now known as "Only Tebow". Cause he's what you need when you get there.

Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for even HAVING a weakness.

Tim Tebow doesn't do pushups. Instead, he pushes the earth down.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow was a kid he made his mom finish HER vegetables.

Tim Tebow canít drive a standard. He always rides the clutch.

Cars look both ways just in case Tim Tebow is crossing the street.

There are no endagered species. There is just a list of animals that Tim Tebow doesn't like.

Referees created instant replay so they could admire Tim Tebow more than once.

Tim Tebow doesn't read defenses. He stares them down until they form a path to the end zone.

Tim Tebow counted to infinity. Twice.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Tim Tebow stiff-armed that nothing in the head and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

When life gives Tim Tebow lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade.

When Google can't find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Tim Tebow. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Tim Tebow loves women. All of them. At the same time.

When he was in Little League, Tim Tebow once bunted a 500 foot home run

What color is Tim Tebow's blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.

Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known as the giraffe.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but if Tebow were alive then, it would have only taken the 4th quarter.

Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Tim Tebow didn't lose his helmet, it ran away.

Tim Tebow is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Tim Tebow gives Redbull wings.

When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

When taking the SAT, write "Tim Tebow" for every answer. You will score more than 1600.

Tim Tebow can dribble a football.

In a game against the Chargers Tim didnít spin. Tebow stood still and the world revolved around him.

Tim Tebow was once sleeping on his stomach when he got morning wood and struck oil.

All Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow smokes after sex. Not cigarettes, his penis literally smokes.

When Tim Tebow gives you the peace sign, it is not a peace offering, it's the number of seconds you have to run.

If properly tapped, a Tim Tebow rush could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Tim Tebow doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Tim Tebow throws down!

Tim Tebow was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound of a stiff-arm.

Tim Tebow can kick start a car.

Tim Tebow once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Tim Tebow does not believe in evolution that is why he has refused to learn to pass.

Tim Tebow can talk about fight club

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Tim Tebow signal.

Fear of spiders is called aracnaphobia, fear of Tim Tebow is called Logic

The Blarney Stone traveled to Denver to kiss Tim Tebow

Chuck Norris doesnít wear a watch, because itís always Tebow Time

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out.

Tebow doesnít want to mentioned alongside Archie Griffin, so he ordered the Heisman voters not to give him a second trophy.

Tim Tebow ended the NBA lockout and is ranked No. 1 in the BCS

Jesus Turned Water Into Wine, Tim Tebow Turned Whine Into Winning!

Tim Tebow doesn't get drunk. He gets awesome.

When Tebow runs the option, his only choice is victory.

Tim Tebow got Micheal J Fox to stop shaking.

Tim Tebow can touch MC Hammer

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Tim Tebow.

Geico saved money on its car insurance by switching to Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow ripped off Supermans cape so that Wonder Woman could walk over a puddle.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Tim Tebow stories.

The T in Mr. T stands for Tebow.

There used to be a street in Gainesville named after Tim Tebow, but it was changed because nobody crosses Tim Tebow and lives

Tim Tebow can deliver a sermon while throwing 90 yard bombs rolling right

Some magicans can walk on water, Tim Tebow can swim through land

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. A picture of Tim Tebow is worth 10 billion words.

When Tim Tebow makes an offer, even Don Vito Corleone can't refuse.

Helen Keller can see and hear Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow doesnt feel pain, pain feels Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow is what Willis was talking about

The Loch Ness Monster swears it saw Tim Tebow

Tebow has a grizzly bear rug in his room. It's not dead, it's just to scared to move.

Tim Tebow doesn't have to bang chicks when he can make them bang each other.

Tim Tebow doesnít lift weights, he just tells them to get off the floor.

Tebow downgraded S&P, Moody's & Fitch

Tim Tebow can judge a book by it's cover. He can also summarize it and tell you the author's favorite color.

Michael Jordan buys Tim Tebow's shoes.

You can't handle the truth, but Tim Tebow can.

Tim Tebow challenged FC Barcelona to a game of soccer. FC Barcelona declined in fear.

Tim Tebow doesnt need luck. Luck needs Tim Tebow

Tebow doesnít cheat death, he beats it fair and square

McDonalds brought the Mcrib back at Tim Tebowís request.

Death once had a near-Tebow experience.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Tim Tebow rush.

Tebow is the reason the housewives became desperate.

The Ghostbusters call Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow and Chuck Norris once had a talk. Chuck Norris walked away a better man.

Tim Tebow can blink faster than a blink of an eye.

The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Tim Tebow to give up his favourite coffee mug.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Tim Tebow allows to live.

When Tim Tebow's sister lost her virginity, he got it back.

If you spell Tim Tebow wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Tim Tebow?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Tim Tebow doesn't run down the field, the field moves under Tim Tebow.

The square root of Tim Tebow is a stiff arm to the face.

The grass is always greener on Tim Tebow's sideline.

Tim Tebow doesn't wear a condom because theres no such thing as protection from Tim Tebow.

One time Tim Tebow threw a football up into the air as hard as he possibly could, that football today is known as the Halley's Comet.

Tim Tebow once saved David Hasselhoff from drowning.

The Rock can't even smell what Tebow's cooking!

The American Dream wants to be Tim Tebow!

John Elways wife screams "TEBOW" during sex

Pope Benedict changed his name to Tim Tebow the second

When TiVo wants to record a show they Tebow it!

The Mayan calendar had Tim Tebow's birth date carved in stone.

When Tim Tebow falls in the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets Tim Tebow.

By the time it takes you to read this Tim Tebow has already read the bible...twice.

David didn't beat Goliath, Tim Tebow did!

Tim Tebow can beat the Cracker Barrel peg game without touching any of the pieces

Friends don't let friends hate Tim Tebow.

Tebowisms are funny because they are true

The Kama-Sutra added Tebowing to its position list

Tim Tebow's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Tim Tebow

Only Tim Tebow knows "What Jesus would do...."

Lord Voldemort tried and failed to kill Harry Potter. He didn't even attempt to mess with with Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow pours milk on his Rice Krispies... They keep quiet.

Chuck Norris wears a Tim Tebow jersey

When Tim Tebow gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

The Denver Broncos dont fly home on a plane, they fly home on Tim Tebows back

Tim Tebow makes Taco Bell "run for the border"

All superheroes read Tim Tebow comic books.

911 has Tim Tebow listed as their emergency contact.

Tim Tebow can tweet bible scripture from a rotary phone.

Grace says "Tebow" before dinner

Chuck Norris would be honored to be roundhoused by Tim Tebow

There are no losers in the NFL. Only people who have played against Tim Tebow.

John Elway can throw a football 80 yards. Tim Tebow can throw John Elway farther.

When Tim Tebow does his taxes he claims the whole world as dependents.

Tim Tebow thought his local Starbucks was too high-class, so he threw a football so hard at it that it turned into a Dunkin Donuts.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Tim Tebow lives in Florida.

Tim Tebow once pee'd in the gas tank of a semi truck as a joke... That semi truck is now Optimus Prime!

Life doesn't give Tim Tebow lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

Tim Tebow Short Jokes

Q: What's the difference between Tim Tebow and Lebron James?
A: Tim Tebow comes alive in the 4th quarter!

Q: What do get when you cross a python with Tebow?
A: Nothing, did you really think thereís something deadlier than Tim Tebow?

Q: Do you know what AT&T stands for?
A: "Another Tebow Touchdown."

Q: Why does Tim Tebow refer to fourth downs as "Jews"?
A: Because they are the hardest to convert!

Q: What's the only reason to watch a Denver Broncos game?
A: Because Tim Tebow is playing and you think God might intervene!

Q: Did you know that Tim Tebow had a role in Star Wars?
A: He was the force.

Q: What were the football fans thinking as the Denver Broncos beat the Minnesota Vikings?
A: If Tim Tebow had a deep thought would it be called a Christian Ponder?

Q: Why did Tim Tebow prematurely spin around during a Chargers game?
A: Jesus pressed circle too early!

Q: Why is Disneyland rebranding itself?
A: Tim Tebow has made Denver the happiest place on Earth.

Q: How do you know that Tim Tebow has a direct line to God?
A: Because God calls Tebow's number every Sunday!

Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: Neither...Tim Tebow did!

Q: How did Tim Tebow accidentally help the Broncos beat the Chicago Bears?
A: The wind from Tim Tebow sneezing caused Matt Praters kick to go an extra 10 yards.

Q: What's the formula for the perfect athlete?
A: Add 3 quarters of Lebron with 1 quarter of Tebow.

Q: What did Barack Obama say after seeing Tebow throw for 316 yards in his first playoff game?
A: Thank God I'm not running against Tim Tebow in 2012.

Q: What did Jesus tell Bill Maher?
A: If you don't believe in God, you must not watch football.

Q: What did the Trix Rabbit say to Roger Goodell?
A: Silly NFL... It's not Overtime, it's TebowTime!

Q: What's the fastest way to end a playoff overtime game?
A: Let Tim Tebow return the kickoff!

Q: What did Kim Kardashian tell John Elway after the Broncos trading first year starter Tim Tebow?
A: "Come On, who dumps a pro athlete that quickly?"


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